A news article recently discussed the 37 ingredients to a Twinkie, many of which apparently are mined rather than grown. So, the Twinkie is indeed all-natural, but in a different, more earthy way.
I don’t care. Although I no longer eat Twinkies, they are a fondly remembered staple of my grade school and junior high packed lunches. And so, in the honor of the Twinkie and its epic contribution to the lunch times of generations of American children, I offer this bit of doggerel (with apologies to Walt Whitman and his poem, O Captain! My Captain!):
O Twinkie! My Twinkie!
O Twinkie! My Twinkie! The noon hour now draws nigh
My morning classes will be done, to you my thoughts do fly
The bell will ring, the rush will start, and we will race to lunch
The crinkled paper bag will ope, on PBJ I’ll munch
But O! Dessert! Dessert!
My hungry heart doth beat
For in my sack I soon shall find
A cream-filled sponge cake treat.
O Twinkie! My Twinkie! Your sponge cake damp and gold
And filled with tasty frosting, sweet and white and bold
The wrapper tears, my eyes grow wide, the sticky mass I grasp
And clutch to waiting bosom like Cleo and the asp
And so to eat! To eat! To eat!
With glass of milk, ice cold
Then lick till clean the bottom square
Of its crumbs, wet and gold.
O Twinkie! My Twinkie! My lustrous sack lunch friend
The sight of you gives rise to thoughts of lunch’s happy end
Your taste I crave, and I desire to see you on my plate
I do not mind if you are made of calcium sulfate
Fear not, my friend! Fear not! Fear not!
We’ll eat you still with pride
Come Polysorbate 60, hell,
or grim diglyceride!
Webner House 