When Aliens Come Calling

With all of the problems in the world, it is noteworthy that the United Nations has decided to focus on the pressing topic of impending extraterrestrial visits and has appointed Mazlan Othman as the person aliens should contact if they come knocking at Earth’s door.

Who is Mazlan Othman, you may ask?  Why, she is a Malaysian astrophysicist who heads up the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs, and therefore is the perfect person to deal with the issue of alien first contact.  She explains that, when aliens first communicate with Earth, “we should have in place a coordinated response that takes into account all sensitivities related to the subject,” and the UN “is a ready-made mechanism for such coordination.”  One can only imagine what kind of meaningless, politically correct drivel the slow-moving UN political processes would produce as Earth’s “coordinated” response to an alien contact.

Perhaps the clever plan is to baffle the alien ambassadors.  When they show up and say “take me to your leader,” we will escort them to some unknown, politically powerless head of an obscure UN organization who will read them some multicultural blathering and expect them to be satisfied with the UN’s coordinated balancing of various “sensitivities.”  And then, with any luck, the aliens will conclude that Earth is too weird to deal with and move on to Venus.

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