Sucked Dry

There are many things that suck about getting older.  In one case, at least, the suckiness is literal.  With each passing year, my skin seems to be sucked dryer, and dryer, and dryer.

This condition is especially acute during the winter.  You go outside into the frigid air and it is as if every particle of moisture is being vacuumed from your body.  By the time you get back inside, your skin is as brittle as parchment, with an unsightly, spotty red appearance.  You come to dread washing your hands, because the act of drying them begins to get painful.  After a few washings your skin experiences a dull ache.  Until this began to happen, I paid absolutely no attention to my skin.  Now I have come to realize, from grim overall sensation, that the skin is the largest organ of the human body.

I’ve gotten to the point where I save those little bottles of lotion you get at every hotel and then start to use them like crazy during the colder months.  But even constant, liberal application of lanolin-based products — which leaves you trailing an odor of coconut, lime, vanilla bean, or some other ingredient associated with a tropical beverage — can provide only momentary relief.  I’ll never get back the dewy skin of youth and, well, it sucks.

1 thought on “Sucked Dry

  1. Boy, Your’e Right-On my friend!

    When I was a young lad, I remember my parents doing what I called funny “old folks stuff”. Most of you reading this know what stuff I am referring to.

    The short list includes:
    Buying Tupperware.
    Using funny smelling hand lotion all the time.

    Now my hands are so dry that when I rub them together it sounds like the sandpaper blocks that those hillbilly bands use as a musical instrument, right next to the washboard and the blowing air past the moonshine jugs mouth. It seems I have now become My Mom!!

    But my favorite one is how Dad would get out of the overly stuffed reclining chair and say “Urhhh, I made it!”
    That one always made me smile, and think to my self that I’ll never be like that when I am old. But I am like that now…. I have become My Dad!

    Well, even though my brain is permanently locked in to thinking I’m still a 19 year old (my eternal age), my mirror tells me otherwise!

    Another clue that I am not what I used to be is when I get a sensation that my shoelaces are loosening up, and I look down to see how bad the knot has loosened or if it’s disappeared altogether.

    I am always shocked to see that I can’t see my shoes at all due to the fact that my belly has “whomped my shirt into submission” and extended it so far in front of me that I can’t see my feet. About this time I look around to see if anyone I know in near by to ask them if they could tell me if my shoes are still tied! This always gets a smile from whomever I’m asking.

    I remember the first time this belly thing was beginning to be a problem…. I had been showing a friend some 35mm photo prints I had with me. After my friend reached the halfway point in the stack he was sifting through, he stopped and asked me about a particular photo he was viewing. He asked me which friend of mine had the big “cigarette boat” that I was on when I took that picture.

    My mind went blank as I silently struggled to retrieve the answer to his question. After a minute I realized I couldn’t even remember having a friend with a boat. I was puzzled that since I have always liked that type of long powerful boat, I would have never forgot spending an afternoon of fun on one! So I said “let me see those photos!”

    Viewing the photo in question, I was even more puzzled as it didn’t jog my memory at all! How could my mind have completely forgotten an event like this? I recognized in the photo many of my friends on some of the other smaller boats, but didn’t recognize the boat I was one during the snapping of that photograph.

    Closer inspection revealed something familiar about this long racing boat, looking to one side of the image I saw an odd looking symbol or something clearly imprinted on the massive bright red bow….. It was an upside-down Izod logo!

    As my life flashed before my eyes, I realized what boat I was on, (or more accurately, in). It seems I was in the “S.S. Behemoth” on that sunny afternoon! I’ll explain…..

    The beautiful and massive bright red bow was actually the bright red polo style shirt I was wearing. The Izod logo was embroidered and stitched onto the left side. I was the S.S. Behemoth!!!

    My wide-angle lens that had always been such a friend to me, had let me down and turned against me. No longer could I snap photos nilly-willy, but from now on I have to plan each shot ahead of time. Most importantly, at the moment of shutter release I would have to pull my belly in until the viewfinder no longer showed a “boats bow” in the frame.

    I could go on and on about how many other funny things my 55 years of age has caused. For example, walking up a long public stairway and realizing some others walking behind me are giggling about me. Usually it’s because of some type of sound they just heard from me. Usually it’s a sound that I was unaware of having made, thanks to the amazing way nature has protected me from the embarrassment I would have suffered had I been able to hear it too. Nature can be brilliant and kind sometimes. It now amazes me that as I age and have become prone to develop an ability to make unusual sounds, how wonderful that nature has adapted and found a way to spare me of any embarrassment by degrading my hearing such that I don’t hear those sounds any more!

    Perhaps the next time when the mood hits me again, I’ll share more entertaining things about what it is to be me.

    Now I know…. It’s great to be me!

    Like

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