In the eternal debate between men and women about which gender is required by convention to wear the most ludicrous and uncomfortable business attire, one point should be beyond dispute — in a windstorm, the men’s necktie takes the prize for the most annoying article of clothing.
Venture outside on a hot, blustery day, and the tie that formerly hung placidly from your neck suddenly turns into a unpredictable, writhing irritant. One wind gust might cause it to unexpectedly flap up into your face, then another might wrap it around your neck like the scarf worn by a continental swell. In the meantime, your carefully assembled business outfit has been thrown into utter disarray, and the buttons on your shirt and your expanding midsection have been hideously exposed to an appalled world.
What’s more, there is no good way to deal with the necktie in the windstorm phenomenon. If you try to hold the end of your tie with your hand, you look stupid. If you tuck the end of the tie into the shirt pocket, you look like a nerd. If you try to ignore the flapping, you look comical. And if you remove the tie altogether, you raise the ultimate question: why are men expected to wear these ridiculous, non-functional things in the first place?