Lately it has been very difficult living in Columbus, Ohio. Since Jim Tressel’s surprise resignation on Memorial Day, we fans and graduates of The Ohio State University have seen the reputation of that much-loved institution besmirched and ridiculed in the national press. It has been very hard to swallow, and many despairing Buckeye fans have struggled to deal with the news.
Still, I didn’t expect an Ohio State gnome to run off the rails in response to the news. I am sorry to report, however, that that is exactly what has happened. When I went outside to walk Penny this morning I was surprised to see our house gnome sprawled in the gutter after a bitter evening of trying to wash the bad thoughts about the football program, the NCAA, and the departed Coach Tressel out of his mind in a tidal wave of alcohol. Yet I could tell, from the plaintive expression on his face, that the booze therapy was a failure. The alcohol may have numbed the sharp pangs of embarrassment, but he remains depressed and perplexed.
He is thinking: How could this have happened? We were on top of the world only five months ago! We laughed about the futility of Michigan football and the comical antics of Rich Rodriguez’s so-called defenses! We finally got the SEC bowl game monkey off our backs! And then, in an instant, it all turned to mud.
Buckeye Gnome, all of us in Buckeye Nation feel your pain, and share your angst. But for God’s sake, have some self-respect. This isn’t Ann Arbor, after all!