Today I am in Cleveland, and I felt an overpowering urge to buy a hat. That is, a summer hat — preferably a straw hat, but one that any self-respecting American would find fully appropriate to wear in the sweltering days to come.
Surprisingly, I found such a hat, and it is sweet indeed. Cleveland needs more hats like this, which was bought for only $15 at a very friendly and helpful shop on the first floor at the Cleveland Arcade.
What’s wrong with a bit of straw — for only $15 — to start off the July 4 weekend? I’m wearing this chapeau at a cookout on Saturday, and I am hoping that the attendees appreciate the beauty of this splendid chapeau.
Every week we see reports on academic studies of some topic or another. Often the study seems like a pointless exercise in which the eggheads have “studied” something that is glaringly obvious as a matter of common experience and then produced a report explaining that what everybody already knows is, in fact, true.
Huh! So increased eating has contributed to increased obesity, eh? The study therefore conclusively refutes the commonly accepted alternative hypotheses that increased obesity was caused by evil spells cast by invisible wizards or by changes in the composition of the air! Who knows how much the study cost — or whether it was funded with some kind of federal grant — but we can all conclude that it was money well spent.
Next, teams of academics will conduct detailed studies of the following topics: (1) Whether the presence of shrieking children on an airplane increases the stress levels found in other passengers; (2) whether there is any causal relationship between bean consumption and gas production in the lower gastro-intestinal tract; (3) whether ongoing infidelity by spouses has any impact on the durability of marriages; and (4) whether political contributions by special-interest groups have any apparent effect on the voting patterns of politicians receiving those contributions.