Song Of The Open Road

The other day I was driving and the song Radar Love by Golden Earring came on the radio station.

The first few notes zapped my brain like a powerful electric shock and I could feel my foot pressing steadily down on the accelerator — because Radar Love is, quite simply, the greatest driving song ever recorded.  It’s like the song has discovered some magic passageway around the responsible, careful, adult brain of every human male.  It triggers deep, primal, almost reptilian impulses that make every man, regardless of age, want to crank up the radio to 11, roll down the windows and open the sunroof and turn their faces to the sun, and drive as fast as possible, even if their wild male souls happen to be behind the wheel of a rusting minivan or a 10-year-old, chronically underpowered Volkswagen Passat.  We are helpless before Radar Love‘s awesome power.

Police officers and highway patrolmen understand this.  I’ve long suspected that they have standing arrangements with the local “classic rock” stations to get advance word of when Radar Love will appear on the playlist, so that every cruiser can be out on the road, radar guns aimed, ready to catch the otherwise responsible men who have been converted into deviant leadfoots by the song’s irresistible bass line, drumbeat, and guitar chords.  I’m not sure how you could prove or disprove it, but I would wager that more speeding tickets have been produced by the hot sounds of Radar Love than any other piece of recorded music in the history of mankind.

Still, the song is worth it.

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