The World’s Biggest Fungus Amazingly Not Found In Washington, D.C.

They’ve found what is described as the world’s largest fungus under a tree in China.

The behemoth weighs half a ton, is more than 30 feet long, and has been growing for more than 20 years.  The fungus, comparable to a mushroom, has been feeding on the underside of a felled, rotting tree for all that time.

It’s hard to believe that the world’s largest fungus isn’t somewhere in Washington, D.C., perhaps feeding on stale, gassy rhetoric in the storied chambers of the United States Senate or gorging itself on pointless, decomposing federal programs in the vicinity of the Department of Commerce.

Lobbyist Heaven — And Lobbyist Hell

Here’s an interesting side-effect of the debt ceiling compromise:  the 12 members of Congress appointed to the Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction charged with coming up with a plan to wring $1.5 trillion in savings out of the federal budget will be extraordinarily inviting targets for intense, all-out lobbying.

This should not surprise anyone.  Even by Washington standards, $1.5 trillion is a lot of money.  AARP, farming interests, NPR, corporations, hospitals, colleges, state and local governments, and all of the various special interests who could lose part of their federal funding or their special tax breaks will be willing to do whatever it takes to protect their turf and make sure the cuts come out of somebody else’s hide.  Lobbyists who have good relationships with any of the Joint Select Committee members will be in high demand.  Lobbyists who don’t will be sucking wind.  And for the special interests, it’s not a bad deal — instead of having to lobby 535 Senators and Representatives for years at a time, they only need to influence the decisions of 12 people who must submit their recommendation within a few months.

So, every lobbyist on K Street will be keenly interested in who gets appointed to the Committee.  Let’s hope that Congress takes steps to ensure that whoever is selected to serve on this stunningly powerful, temporary entity doesn’t have the opportunity to capitalize on their status by having constant fundraisers between now and the date the Joint Select Committee’s recommendation is due.  The “Divine Dozen” are being entrusted with enormous responsibility.  They should all pledge not to seek any campaign contributions, fund-raising support, or any other form of benefit during their term of service on the Joint Select Committee.  The Committee’s recommendation will be controversial enough without people wondering if a few well-placed contributions influenced its decision-making.

Debt Ceiling Phrases That Really Irritate Me And Should Now Be Tossed Into The Dustbin Of History

I’m glad the debt ceiling “debate” is over, and not just because it was an embarrassment for all concerned.  Equally important, it was becoming intolerable to listen to the news because the repetitive sound bites just set my teeth on edge.

It’s bad enough that our elected representatives are so hapless, but what is really unbearable is their leaden insistence on repeating the same tired talking points with the same limp and irksome phrases.  Aren’t there any politicians who are deft in the use of metaphor and analogy?  I know we don’t have any Lincolns and Churchills, but is it too much to ask for some linguistic creativity and variety from our uninspiring political leaders?

Here are some phrases that have really gotten under my skin:

*  “Kick the can down the road”

*  “Double down”

*  “Balanced approach”

* “Turning around an aircraft carrier”

*  “Banana Republic”

I’m open to suggestions of additional phrases, of course.  From here on, anyone caught using any of these offending phrases will be sentenced to a week of non-stop viewing of C-SPAN coverage of the House of Representatives.