Asking Marines To Withstand The (Abdominal) Pressure

We ask an awful lot of our Marines who are serving in Afghanistan.  They are working in brutally difficult conditions that may include searing heat or frigid cold.  We want them to encourage democracy while at the same fighting terrorists who are perfectly happy to hide among civilians and to put innocent lives at risk when they attack.  And now we have asked our Marines to — stop audible farting when they are in the presence of Afghans.

According to the Marine Times blog Battle Rattle, some Marines have been told to stop any audible flatulence because the Afghans find it highly offensive.  This directive comes on top of the request that Marines not curse or discuss potentially controversial topics, like politics, religion, or the opposite sex.  Heaven forbid that we would do anything to offend those tender Afghan sensibilities!

Isn’t it a bit ridiculous to ask a bunch of tough Marines to avoid farting aloud, even when Mother Nature commands the opposite?  Have our Leathernecks been trained to determine with certainty which bloated feeling might produce a silent but deadly emission versus the echoing whoopie cushion ripper?  And are we at least helping them out by serving meals that don’t include the traditional gas producing foods like, say, refried beans or White Castle sliders?  Is Beano stockpiled at every American base?

2 thoughts on “Asking Marines To Withstand The (Abdominal) Pressure

  1. Isn’t it a bit ridiculous to fight an unclear and prolonged war in Afghanistan where thousands of innocent civilians are killed? Yeah, I think they can hold in their farts. If your child was killed by American troops or ordinance I think the last thing youd want would be to hear American troops trampling your cultural and traditional values. You’re way off on this one dad and the sense of humor about the whole thing is troubling as well.

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  2. I’m sorry that you found this post and the use of humor upsetting, but I actually think we’re not that far apart in our views on this one. My whole point is that the armed forces are, by definition, a blunt instrument. They are there to find terrorists and fight them, not to bridge cultural divides. If we want to impress the Afghans with our cultural sensitivities, we should be sending diplomats, not Marines. And asking a Marine to worry about something like intestinal gas while he is facing a life or death situation just complicates the Marine’s mission and, potentially, puts the Marine’s life at greater risk.

    If we are worried that an audible fart or two is going to lose Afghanistan for the NATO coalition, then maybe we are fighting a battle that we really can’t hope to win.

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