This morning in America, as the first rays of dawn sweep across the vast and fruited plain, countless college football fans are preparing to tailgate. Tomorrow, with the NFL season beginning in earnest, professional football fans will engage in the same careful pre-game preparation. I am here to advise them all that the perfect tailgate food is the Scotch Egg.
Bear with me on this. A Scotch Egg, for those who have not sampled this awesome culinary masterpiece, consists of a hard-boiled egg wrapped in sausage, coated in bread crumbs, and deep fried. Properly prepared, a Scotch Egg looks to the lucky consumer like a ball of meat. You squirt some mustard on it, take a bite, and your mouth is filled with a hearty, perfectly proportioned mixture of egg, sausage, bread crumbs, and mustard. It’s like a ball of pure breakfast. You eat one, and you are properly fortified for the game. You eat two, and you could sit through the coldest conditions at Green Bay’s Lambeau Field and still be warmed to your core.
The real beauty of a Scotch Egg at a tailgate is its portability. Because — unlike a sandwich, or ribs, or most of the more high-falutin’ tailgate fare — it only requires one hand to consume, it leaves the other hand completely free to hold a frosty adult beverage and lift it repeatedly to your thirsty lips. Consumption of Scotch Eggs therefore bears a direct cause-and-effect relationship to overall tailgate enjoyment and mounting game readiness. And the Scotch Egg is environmentally friendly. It doesn’t require a baggie, or a toothpick, or anything else that would end up as discarded tailgate debris.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the perfect tailgate food — the Scotch Egg.