Mr. Webner, this is your securities analyst from the Treasury Department. I wanted to give you an update on your investments.
Yes, Mr. Webner. We’re closing in on the end of another banner year, and we just wanted to share the good news with you.
Good news, eh? Well, what is it?
We’re happy to report that we’ve only had to increase the estimate of our loss on our auto industry investment by $9 billion.
Wait . . . did you say you are increasing the estimate of our loss by $9 billion?
That’s correct. Unfortunately, GM’s stock price has taken a beating lately. But let’s not get mired in details, Mr. Webner! What’s important is that we originally thought we would lose far more money than we now think we’ll lose — so you really can look at what we have done as a gain!
So you’re trying to take credit for a disastrous investment that just might not be as disastrous as many people expected?
That’s correct, Mr. Webner. And in the meantime, you’ve supported the development of groundbreaking technology like the Chevy Volt! How do you like the Volts you’ve seen on the streets? Sweet, aren’t they?
Actually, I’ve never seen a Chevy Volt on the street. I don’t know anyone who owns one.
Well, take my word for it, Mr. Webner. That car is poised, in a state of cat-like readiness, to take the country by storm! Now, can I take just a few more minutes of your time to talk about our terrific investments in Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and Solyndra?