It makes me sad to learn that Hostess Brands, the maker of the Twinkie, is preparing to file for bankruptcy.
I’m sure the Twinkie will survive a bankruptcy. As we all know, Twinkies will last forever and are the foodstuff most likely to survive a nuclear holocaust. Still, it is disturbing that the company that makes one of the most classic American foods ever — a true staple of the school day sack lunch, and even mentioned in Ghostbusters — is being squeezed by sugar, flour, and labor costs.
On this sad day, I offer my poetic tribute to the cream-filled sponge cake marvel:
O Twinkie! My Twinkie!
O Twinkie! My Twinkie! The noon hour now draws nigh
My morning classes will be done, to you my thoughts do fly
The bell will ring, the rush will start, and we will race to lunch
The crinkled paper bag will ope, on PBJ I’ll munch
But O! Dessert! Dessert!
My hungry heart doth beat
For in my sack I soon shall find
A cream-filled sponge cake treat.
O Twinkie! My Twinkie! Your sponge cake damp and gold
And filled with tasty frosting, sweet and white and bold
The wrapper tears, my eyes grow wide, the sticky mass I grasp
And clutch to waiting bosom like Cleo and the asp
And so to eat! To eat! To eat!
With glass of milk, ice cold
Then lick till clean the bottom square
Of its crumbs, wet and gold.
O Twinkie! My Twinkie! My lustrous sack lunch friend
The sight of you gives rise to thoughts of lunch’s happy end
Your taste I crave, and I desire to see you on my plate
I do not mind if you are made of calcium sulfate
Fear not, my friend! Fear not! Fear not!
We’ll eat you still with pride
Come Polysorbate 60, hell,
or grim diglyceride!