These are the times that try yard owners’ souls.
Every summer a point arrives at which your yard begins to teeter on the edge of browning out. In Columbus, that point is here. You know it is coming when there are days of high heat and blazing sunshine and no rain, when the grass at the nearby park or playground turns brown and crunchy, when the ground feels like concrete beneath your feet. At that point, a crucial question is presented to the suburban lawn warrior: do you water incessantly, hoping to somehow stave off the inevitable, or do you give up the fight and let the hot summer weather chalk up another victory over the concept of the lush green carpet that is the aspirational goal posed by every lawn care ad?
No one wants to be grossly insensitive to the needs of our environment and basic principles of water conservation, of course, but no one wants to be the first house in the neighborhood with a dead straw-colored yard baked to a brick-like hardness, either. June is awfully early to be presented with that difficult choice. Usually we in the Midwest make it until mid-July, or even early August, before the obligatory brown-out occurs. By then, our fellow homeowners typically will collectively throw in the towel and let Mother Nature do what may — in much the same way that gluttonous men at Thanksgiving dinner will abandon any pretense of pride and propriety, pointedly loosen their belts, and pound down another piece of pumpkin pie.
Of course, there is an alternative: pray for rain. You might just see me this week, making heartfelt sacrifices and doing a spastic rain dance in hopes of currying favor with the Rain Gods.
Who knew the Voice of Reason would turn out to be riddled with superstitions? Sports teams that are undone by an impetuous word or two, weather patterns affected by rituals…