Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch The Browns Right Now

I’d hoped the karma would change.  Russell’s home for a reunion, and we went to Joe’s place with UJ to eat some pizza, drink some beer, and watch the Browns.  And, for a time, the wheel turned, and the Browns sprinted to a 14-0 lead.  But then the wheels came off, Cleveland collapsed, Perplexed Pat Shurmur absorbed it stoically, and the Browns fell to the Giants in embarrassing fashion, 41-27.

Next Sunday I won’t be able to watch the Browns.  Thank God!  I can’t bear the agony of watching the Browns fumble and stumble and bumble their way to another disaster.  In fact, here is a partial list of things I would rather do than watch the Browns right now:

*  Repeatedly Taser myself

*  Listen to the Cher recording of Half Breed play continuously for 18 days

*  Chew aluminum foil

*  Serve as the personal laundry attendant for long-term residents at the National Senior Citizen Incontinence Institute

*  Dip my face into a bowl full of glass shards

As Colonel Kurtz would say:  “The horror!”

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