Our diverse country is rarely unified in thought or deed, but this week is an exception: we can say with supreme confidence that virtually every worker in America is filling out their office’s version of the NCAA Tournament pool. Our ability, from sea to shining sea, to share in the communal experience of NCAA Tournament wagering has moved me to verse:
An Ode To Office Basketball Pools
The Ides have passed, and now it’s here,
Our annual betting racket
I feel the heat, I must complete
My NCAA bracket.
I’ve studied hard and thought with care.
And confidence? I don’t lack it
I know this year I’ll win it clear
Thanks to this perfect bracket!
I’ll fold it neat and keep it near
So success, I can track it
And I’ll peruse whene’er I choose
My pristine tourney bracket!
Then Thursday comes, and upsets, too
And my forehead, I will smack it
As X-outs sprout and teams go out
And mar fore’er my bracket.
By Sunday night I’m crushed and mad
And fit for a strait jacket
My Final Four are all no more
Another failed bracket!
A shining moment, I ne’er had
If it were underground I’d frack it
I’m in the ditch, it’s fit to pitch
Curs’d NCAA bracket!