During the cold, dank, seemingly endless winter, forces of evil apparently attacked my yard. Under cover of darkness and blanket of snow, terrible lawn creatures invaded and ruthlessly displaced our attractive carpet of velvety grass.
Spring has brought the unwelcome realization that our front yard appears to have a serious case of lawn mange. Where tender shoots of pleasant green once grew we now find bare spots, crab grass, spreading sawtoothed dandelion leaves, and other unsightly, weedy characters. The yard has a distinctly clumpy, uneven look to it. And in the center of one of our lawn sections there is an angry-looking, purple-topped plant that appears to be the youthful version of the man-devouring miscreant from Little Shop of Horrors.
Having an ugly spring lawn is embarrassing, but it can have its advantages. Dogs find our yard so appalling that they refuse to even answer the call of nature there. Rabbits treat our property like a death zone. And the lawn undoubtedly will increase our interaction with our neighbors, because if things don’t take a turn for the better we can expect a friendly visit from the Civic Association.
It’s time to call the lawn service and encourage them to move immediately to the nuclear option.