Work Through Game, Feel Less Pain

I had a busy day at work today, with a series of meetings and conference calls. I was so focused on work matters that I didn’t watch a second of the Ohio State-Dayton NCAA Tournament game, or even follow it on my cell phone or computer. That’s a good thing, because the Buckeyes lost a heartbreaker, 60-59, on a last-second shot.

I’m sorry that the Buckeyes lost, of course, but the fact that I didn’t watch the game and agonize over every turnover, missed layup, and defensive breakdown meant that I avoided most of the awful fan-pain that I would have endured otherwise. Instead of feeling like someone had kicked my guts in when Dayton made the winning shot and the Ohio State careers of Aaron Craft and Lenzelle Smith Jr. came to an end, the game was sort of like something that happened in an alternative universe — a bit more abstract, and a little less real.

When March Madness rolls around, employers question how much work their bracket-obsessed employees are really doing on Thursday and Friday. I would suggest that employers take the bull by the horns, recognize the predominance of NCAA pooling, and encourage their employees to schedule lots of meetings and events that will occupy their time and their minds when weekday games are on. Distract yourself, and don’t risk the terrible, real-time suffering! The employees can always record the games of their favorite team, as I did. If you learn that your team won its game, you can go home, crack upon a frosty beverage, and enjoy their game at your leisure. If you learn that your team has fallen, you can shake your head sadly and quietly erase the debacle without watching a second of the recording.

It’s not a bad approach for the ardent sports fan.

Freak Show TV

Last night Russell was home and had control over the TV remote. So, from my vantage point flat on my back on the couch with my left foot balanced on a tower of pillows, I acquired a new perspective on the world — because we spent the night watching TLC.

The first show was about a grossly obese, bed-ridden woman with a husband and young son who had an operation to try to become normal-sized. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the discipline to change her habits and do what was necessary to lose the weight, despite having a no-nonsense doctor who wouldn’t coddle her or sugar-coat the health problems she was causing for herself. We followed her as she was shuttled between hospital room and home, being lifted by teams of paramedics, watched her tears and efforts to blame the lack of weight on her scales, and were treated to embarrassing footage of a person encased in enormous rolls of fat, unable to stand for more than seconds at a time, arguing that she was a better mother than a working woman who spent 10 hours on the job.

The next show was about a hoarder — a doctor who might as well have lived in a dumpster. His house was filled with piles of garbage and was appallingly infested by vermin, with hundreds of roaches skittering everywhere, including on the man’s clothing as he explained his circumstances. His sleeping area was like a rat’s nest, with limp bags of rancid food and roaches covering every blanket and surface. His family members, exterminators, and a family counselor tried to convince him that he had a problem and needed to get rid of the debris. Fortunately, by the end of the show he had left his hovel, was living in a clean apartment, and was interacting with his granddaughter.

The next show in the TLC lineup was about a “man with a 132-pound scrotum” — seriously — but I had had enough.

My night with TLC reminded me of my first visit to the Ohio State Fair, in 1971. In those days the Midway still had an area that Fair regulars called the “freak show.” It featured garishly painted signs about a woman who turned into a gorilla, “alligator boy,” a miniature pony, and other “curiosities.” It was all very intriguing to a 14-year-old boy, so I fished out the entrance fee and went to one of the shows. When I saw that some of the “curiosities” were people with terrible deformities, it made me feel bad for them and bad about myself.

After watching TLC for a few hours last night, I had the same feeling. I don’t think I’ll be watching that channel again.