Calling With A Final Update On That GM Investment

Mr. Webner, long time, no talk! It’s the federal government calling to update you on your GM investment.

For the love of God! Leave me alone! We got rid of our land line so you wouldn’t bother us any more. How did you get this number?

Don’t be naive, Mr. Webner. We’re the federal government. Now let’s talk about that GM investment. We liquidated the last of our GM investment in December, and incurred only a $10 billion loss on our $49.5 billion investment!. Isn’t that wonderful?

Wait a second . . . did you say a $10 billion loss? You’re happy that the government lost more than 20 percent of our investment in GM?

That’s right. GM stock has gone in the dumper over the last few months. By wisely selling when we did, we’ve managed to keep our losses to only $10 billion. If we’d held on and tried to sell now, we’d have a much bigger loss!

Isn’t the drop in GM’s stock due to some extent to its problems with faulty vehicles due to a faulty ignition switch? Were you guys aware of that problem when you decided to invest our money in GM stock and then to sell it when you did?


You know, there was a Senate hearing today on that issue. More than 2.5 million GM cars worldwide have been recalled, and Senators suggested that GM’s failure to act more promptly raised issues of criminality. Say, do you think you guys might be in trouble because you were aware of that whole issue?

(Heavy breathing.)

You know, the whole recall situation makes your decision to sell GM stock seem really convenient. As long as we’re on the phone, maybe you can answer this question — what did the government know, and when did it know it? Was there some insider trading here? Maybe you should get a lawyer.


Calling To Report On That GM Investment

Calling To Update The Report On That GM Investment

Calling With Another Update On That GM Investment


Yesterday I got the pins removed from the three middle toes on my left foot. It was a curious, almost mechanical exercise. The doctor grabbed a toe, worked the pins back and forth while pulling, like he was freeing a cork from a bottle, and ultimately the pins popped out of their respective, former hammertoe bones.

It smarted a little, but I was happy to endure the discomfort to reach the ultimate result. Because I don’t have to worry about bending the pins any more, I can actually put weight on my left foot again. That means I don’t need to use crutches any longer.

IMG_1886I’m still supposed to avoid putting weight on my toes, so for now I’m a heelwalker. My gait looks something like Walter Brennan’s hitch step in The Real McCoys, or the dragging undead shamble you see in Shaun of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, or just about any zombie flick. I don’t care. After three weeks of hobbling around on crutches, being able to stand steadily on two feet is just about the most liberating feeling you can possibly imagine.

Today, for the first time in three weeks, I was able to make and pour my own cup of coffee and glass of orange juice. It’s just not possible to tote a cup of liquid when you are on crutches. I did the dishes and helped to straighten up around the house. I can easily carry and move things once more. I finally feel like I’m pulling my weight again, rather than being a dead load around the house.

I’ll be heelwalking for a few weeks, wearing a special shoe that will keep my toes straight. It will beat crutches any day.