Why Not Take The College Football Attendance Crown?

There’s a chance that, this year, Ohio State might take the college football attendance crown from the University of Michigan.

Well, why not?

IMG_1825Michigan is in disarray.  In fact, that’s putting it mildly.  So far this year, the Buckeyes are averaging more fans than the Wolverines, and Michigan’s recent struggles — in pretty much every facet of college football, from player safety to basic concepts of Public Relations 101 — are causing its fan base to wonder why in the hell they are paying to watch a train wreck.

As an Ohio State fan, I want to beat Michigan in every possible way — but as a person, I want to see the Wolverines take a licking because they are just doing things the wrong way.  The University of Michigan is a great institution, but it is one that has lost its way.  If it is risking player safety, through sheer ineptitude or for some other reason, it needs to reassess its priorities and and return to what it once was.  If its hated rival — namely, the Buckeyes — seize the college football attendance crown while Michigan dithers about canning an athletic director and a head football coach who are incompetent boobs, maybe that will help to convince the U of M Administration that it has lost its way.  That would be a good thing for Michigan, for the Big Ten, and for the world of college football in general.

If embarrassing the University of Michigan in yet another contest produces some good, it’s the least we can do.

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A “Good News For Penny” Update

Many of you have asked about how Penny is doing.  We appreciate your concern about our long0time pet and occasional Webner House contributor.

IMG_3408I’m happy to report that today we received the results of Penny’s biopsy.  The tests indicate that she doesn’t have cancer, for which we are grateful.  Instead, according to the vets, she has some kind of acute case of gastrointestinal disease/chronic  inflammatory bowel disease.  It sounds disgusting, and it is, but it can be controlled with steroids, which lessen the swelling that cause the incontinence.  Kish has the happy chore of getting Penny to consume steroid pills that she really doesn’t like — but it’s a price we’re happy to pay.

Of course, there’s always a downside.  In this case, it’s that the steroids make Penny incredibly thirsty . . . which in turn causes her to drink copious amounts of water . . . which in turn causes her to periodically have accidents around the house.  Oh well!  They say that into each life a little rain — or other fluids — must fall.

The Platinum Stylist

For years I had my hair cut by random guys named Joe and Ed who wore short-sleeved polyester shirts with a comb and scissors in the front pocket.  You sat in a long row along the wall, got the barber who had the next open chair, received a generic haircut, and heard him shout “Next!” and slap the chair clean when he was finished with the clipping.

Now I go to the Platinum Stylist.  It’s an upgrade.

IMG_3398I’ve been going to The Platinum Stylist for several years now, since back before her hair was platinum.  She works at the Square One Salon, which used to be a block from our offices.  I was assigned to her at random, and I liked her approach from the get-go.  She promised that the first haircut would be very good, the second would be even better, and the third would be perfect.  She was right — at least, as right as a dedicated practitioner of the tonsorial arts can be working with limp brown hair and a head shaped like mine.

She’s got a quick wit and a great sense of humor, so going to get my hair cut ends up being a fun social encounter.  She knows the names of Kish and the boys, remembers about travel plans we’ve discussed, and seeks my views on downtown dining options.  She puts up with my awkward attempts at humor in good spirits and remembers that my ultimate goal in every haircut is a vain attempt to look “distinguished.”

And she’s got an essential quality of any true professional:  she cares about the quality of her work.  I sit in the chair and see her in the mirror, gazing intently at my cranium, prowling from side to side, looking for a hair out of place or a section that needs an extra snip or two to produce the best possible result.  Her dedication to her craft is so obvious, and so impressive, that I’ve come to rely implicitly on her judgments in all hair-related categories.  If the PS suggests that I might want to trim the sides shorter this time, to try to combat the weird effect of the coarse gray hairs sprouting from my temples, I’m doing it.

IMG_3392She’s also convinced me to turn a quick haircut into a longer process.  Now I get not only a haircut, but also a shampoo, a scalp massage, a hot towel treatment, and a mini-facial.  After a long day’s work, getting a hot towel treatment is a pretty pleasant experience — and it sure beats old Joe tossing some witch hazel powder on my neck and buffing it with a coarse towel.

I’m such a dedicated fan of the PS that I kept going to her even after Square One moved to the other side of downtown.  What’s a short walk for an excellent haircut?  And it’s obvious that I’m not alone in my judgment about her capabilities, because I used to be able to schedule a haircut on the spur of the moment and that is true no longer.  I’ve been trained like Pavlov’s dog to make a new appointment at the end of every haircut. It goes against my standard devil-may-care approach, but the PS is worth it.

I guess I’ve come a long way from the “three chairs, no waiting” days.