When I was walking in to work yesterday morning, with the temperature at a brisk 10 degrees Fahrenheit, I noticed apparent barefoot marks on the new-fallen snow. Could someone please reassure me that there is athletic footwear that cleverly leaves the imprint of a human foot? I’d hate to think that some poor wretch was outside running barefoot down Third Street on a cold winter’s morning.
Yesterday morning I was at my desk at the office, innocently attending to work, when the email chime sounded. I gave the new message a quick glance, saw that it was a sales pitch, and moved my hand to hit the delete button — when I realized that the email message had a very disturbing subtext to it.
The “re” line read: “Walk-in Bathtub Right For You? Free Brochure.” The email, from “America’s Leader in Walk-In Tubs” — no doubt a highly competitive field — featured a color photo of a walk-in bathtub described as “the first walk-in bath commended by The Arthritis Foundation.” And if that stamp of approval wasn’t enough, other bullet points in the email read “Make Bathing Safe and Easy,” “Ideal for People with Limited Mobility,” and “Hydrovescent Therapy for Gentle Massage to Help Ease Away Your Aches and Pains.”
Yikes! How did I get on the list for this depressing email solicitation? When “America’s Leader in Walk-in Tubs” thinks that a walk-in tub might be “right for you,” you might as well hang up the spurs and head to the old folks’ home. You’re obviously presumed to be decrepit and incapable of attending to basic personal hygiene using standard devices.
The email gave me the option of clicking for a “free information kit” about the virtues of that walk-in tub, but I think I’ll pass on any action that would confirm my place on a codger email list. My youthful self image won’t stand up against an inbox filled with email solicitations for Serutan, trusses, walkers, sensible shoes, retirement communities, and deals on prescription medication.