Before this season began, Sports Illustrated apparently picked the Cleveland Indians to win the World Series. Every true fan of the Tribe immediately reacted as if they had been stung by every worker in a colony of colossal poisonous wasps. There was no need to even read the article, because we knew that disaster lurked dead ahead.
We know what happens when Sports Illustrated picks you. To be blunt, and somewhat vulgar, it means you’re irretrievably cursed and you’re going to suck. And that has exactly what has happened with the Tribe this year. They’ve blown chunks, and in particular they’ve been humiliated and beaten like a rug by their big purported rival the Detroit Tigers. Some rivalry! The Tigers beat the snot out of the Indians, and the Indians go home with covered with shame and embarrassment. Hell, the Indians have even been thumped by the Chicago White Sox. What could be more embarrassing than that?
Sports Illustrated, thanks a lot! April isn’t even over, and already the Indians have shown beyond dispute that they aren’t a contender and haven’t a chance. So what are we supposed to watch between now and football season? Golf? Soccer, for God’s sake?
Who doesn’t like birds — at least, birds other than pigeons? They are pretty and colorful, they add happy chirping and warbling to our world, and they are a pleasure to watch as they soar, dip, and dive and make us wish we could fly, too.
But birds have a big problem. Every year, millions of them are killed in urban settings for reasons collectively known as fatal light attraction. They become disoriented by the mirrored surface of an office building, believe the reflection of a tree is the real thing, and are killed by the resulting collision. Or they think they have a clear flight path to the tree and pond in the glass-walled atrium and fatally crash into the unseen window. If you’ve ever seen a bird strike a window — from inside or outside — and heard the terrible hollow thud the unfortunate bird makes you probably won’t forget it.
Scientists also worry that the bright lights of cities may be altering migration patterns because the lights interfere with the bird’s ability to navigate by starlight. In addition, bird deaths from fatal light attraction interfere with normal evolutionary processes. Whereas survival of the fittest is supposed to mean the genes of the strongest, healthiest birds are passed to the next generation, death from a window collision can strike down even the healthiest of our flying friends.
Right now, there’s a bird outside my window, chirping with pleasure as dawn approaches. Fewer soulless mirrored buildings, an end to generic office building atriums, and turning off bright lights during the early morning hours — which presumably would be a financial and energy savings, too — so that birds can migrate safely seems like a small price to pay to ensure that we can continue to enjoy their sweet morning song.