Hey, is the NFL draft over yet? It is? These days, I would have thought the NFL would have expanded the draft to at least a week-long celebration of team logos, ball caps, and windy analyses from football pundits and hair-challenged draft wizards like Mel Kiper. Thank god they’ve limited it to only a multi-day exercise in wretched excess!
The logical next question is: which unfortunate college players were drafted by the Cleveland Browns? We all know that one of two things happen to players drafted by the Browns. Either they are great players named Joe, and are doomed to play forever for a cursed franchise that will never, ever make the NFL playoffs — like Joe Thomas or Joe Haden — or they are colossal disappointments and contribute even more gloom to a franchise that has been cloud-covered since its return to the League years ago.
This year, the Browns did not draft someone named Joe, so all of the new players mustfall into the second category. They did draft a guy who will make the “All-Unpronounceable” team — Ifo Ekpre-Olomu. His name sounds like an exercise in Pig Latin. He’s a cornerback from Oregon who suffered a torn ACL and therefore didn’t have the opportunity to be run over by Ezekiel Elliott in the national championship game like the rest of the Ducks defense. Of course, he’s a project. So is Vince Mayle, the wide receiver who has size and speed but struggles to hold on to the ball. So what? So are the Browns.