I’ve got nothing against vegans. Sure, their diet is unnatural and contrary to the laws of natural selection that made homo sapiens the most successful omnivores in the history of the world — but I’m a big believer in live and let live. So long as their curious diet of bulk greenery and other assorted odds and ends doesn’t interfere with my lifestyle, I’m perfectly content to share the planet with the vegans.
Since before the American Revolution, Guinness has been brewed using a substance caused isinglass. What’s isinglass, you say? It’s a gelatinous byproduct of fish bladders that provides a particularly effective means of filtering yeast particles. It sounds disgusting, frankly, but you can’t argue with the results: Guinness is an excellent, instantly recognizable brew, known and loved the world over. For all we know, isinglass is the substance that allows Guinness to have that especially foamy head that you can write your name in, or it is isinglass that gives Guinness its indescribably rich texture. But isinglass has a problem — because it is derived from fish, it’s not in conformity with a strict vegan diet.
So pushy vegans have been pestering Guinness, for years, to eliminate isinglass from the recipe, because it is inconsistent with their effete, prim dietary regimens. Well, lah de dah! How many vegans even drink Guinness regularly, anyway? They seem like more of the white wine crowd, don’t they? Unfortunately, Guinness has apparently caved to the relentless vegan pressure and has announced that it will use a new filtration plant and change the beer recipe used in its flagship brewery in Ireland. And while the whiny vegans undoubtedly will celebrate yet another triumph for political correctness, the beer lovers among us will simply shake our heads in dismay.
As for the folks at Guinness who caved, I have only two words for you: New Coke.