After years of wondering, I’ve finally discovered the true reason why I’ve never progressed beyond a middling record of dubious achievement and solid mediocrity.
A recent study concluded, regrettably, that handsome men are less likely to promoted at work by their male colleagues. That’s right: male supervisors apparently are less likely to assist in the advancement of fellow male employees who have been blessed with the kind of superior good looks that only a handful of us truly possess. The study reveals that the other guys in the workplace are threatened by the obvious air of competence and supreme capability that is projected by the clear-eyed, comely contingent. They’re evidently afraid that the awesomely attractive men will show them up to their superiors and thereby torpedo their own dismal prospects for advancement.
It’s sad to think that the petty jealousies of homely co-workers have thwarted my career, but it explains a lot.
Look on the bright side, if you were a woman, this would be an attempted rape story from the office Christmas party.