My Sure-Fire Lottery Strategy

Today the Powerball lottery jackpot hit $700 million.  That’s the highest jackpot ever, and it will go even higher before the next drawing on Saturday evening.

gasstationI don’t play the lottery, unless I see a news story that a lottery jackpot has soared beyond the half a billion dollar mark.  When that happens, as it did today, I actually entertain the notion of paying for a lottery ticket.  I figure that the odds against winning any multi-state lottery are astronomical in the normal course, so why not wait until the promised payout is equally astronomical to even things out a bit and make it worth my while?

But, what’s the best strategy for picking the numbers?  Because I normally avoid the lottery like the plague, I don’t have a set of lucky numbers that I play each time like the regulars do.  So I’ve come up with a different strategy — to try to replicate the surrounding conditions that inevitably seem to apply to prior lottery winners, based on the news stories I’ve seen.  A careful analysis suggests that, if the following conditions apply to your purchase, you’re much more likely to win:

  • Drive a battered pick-up truck with a gun rack to a gas station in a remote rural area
  • Pick up a pint of whiskey or a fifth of MD 20-20 and a bag of Cheese Puffs when you buy your ticket
  • Flash at least three missing teeth and use “y’all” repeatedly when giving the attendant your numbers
  • Get into an uncomfortably loud public shouting match with your spouse as you head back to the pick-up
  • Display a “Trump ’16 Make America Great Again” bumper sticker as you drive away

Are there any others?

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