Proof Of Flakes

My fundamental weakness when it comes to Frosted Flakes is well known. So well known, in fact, that my friends have now gotten into the regrettable habit of buying me boxes of the delectable sugary concoction, knowing that I will be unable to resist spooning down bowl after bowl. One of our friends presented me with a box in February 2020, right before our last pre-pandemic dinner party, and last month the B.A. Jersey Girl doubled down on this cruel-humored practice by giving me the above “large size” box of Frosted Flakes, gift wrapped, in front of a group of colleagues at a holiday party.

I don’t really make New Year’s resolutions, but for 2022 I am determined not to crumble in the face of Tony the Tiger Temptation. I notice that this particular box of Frosted Flakes (designated box KLB 019 14:56) has a “best if used by” date of September 24, 2022. (Who knew, incidentally, that Frosted Flakes has a de facto expiration date? It’s never been an issue, as whenever I’ve bought them before they’ve been totally and shamefully eaten within a day or two.)

Can I make it until September 24, 2022 without opening and eating the 19.2 ounces of sugar-coated corn flakes, thereby receiving 8 vitamins and minerals? I’m going to try, and to demonstrate my continuing resolve I’ll periodically post “proof of flakes” photos of the unopened box against future news backdrops, much like kidnappers provide “proof of life” photos of their victims with a daily newspaper.

And if, against all odds, I make it to September 24, 2022? Why, I’ll celebrate my commitment by eating the cereal, of course! Some things are just too good to waste.

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