(Not Quite) The Perfect Wedding

If you’ve ever watched the TV show Bridezillas, you know that some people have a clear, overwhelming urge to make their nuptials “the perfect wedding.”  From the wedding dress to the bridesmaid’s gowns, from the rehearsal dinner to the wedding reception, from the flowers to the table decorations and countless other little details that some guests might not even notice, they have a clear mental image of what their wedding festivities should be, and they won’t settle for anything less than the ideal.

But what if your wedding reception ended up near the opposite end of the spectrum?

c7c002d8f611f84dbb4a87126049271b-vintage-wedding-cake-toppers-wedding-topperThat’s pretty much what happened to an upstate New York couple at their wedding reception in the summer of 2015.  Things started to go south a little before 8 p.m., when the bride met one of the guests outside and found her incoherent and vomiting into a grocery bag.  The bride then saw one guest after another become violently, physically ill, and there weren’t enough bathrooms in the reception hall to meet the need.  Some unlucky guests weren’t able to make it to the bathrooms in time, while others began fainting.  Fire trucks and ambulances were summoned, tarps were laid down to allow guests to be triaged, and some guests needed to be given fluids intravenously to rehydrate them.

In all, at least 100 wedding guests became ill, and 22 had to be hospitalized.  The sickened guests turned out to have food poisoning in the form of a staph infection.  The not-quite-perfect wedding has now resulted in a lawsuit, with the bride and groom suing the caterer for the reception, seeking $12,000 in damages to pay the bills for the guests who were hospitalized.  The caterer denies that its food was the cause of the outbreak.

So the next time someone talks about wanting to have “the perfect wedding,” you might want to encourage them to go for a baseline that’s a little more reasonable — like having a vomit-free reception that doesn’t require guests to be hospitalized, for starters.

Brides Beyond The Pale

I’ve seen the show Bridezillas once or twice, and I always thought it was one of those “reality” TV shows that seems pretty darned fake.  Could anyone be as obsessive and crazed about their wedding as the brides-to-be in the show?

Now I’ve seen a story that makes me ask whether lunatic brides are more common than I thought.  The story is about the “K-E diet” — a diet for women who are worried about fitting into their bridal gowns and want to lose weight fast.  The diet requires women to run a feeding tube through their noses to their stomachs and then feeds them a constant slow drip of protein and fat mixed with water, which results in the burn-off of body fat through a process called ketosis.  The dieter doesn’t eat any food for the duration of the diet but doesn’t feel any hunger because she is being “fed” constantly.  Dieters can lose up to 20 pounds in 10 days.  (Of course, once the tube is removed and the bride goes back to eating solid food, you’d expect the weight to be put right back on — and perhaps a bit more besides.)

What’s the downside of the diet?  Well, you carry a bag of glop around in your purse.  You have bad breath and, often, diarrhea because you’re not consuming any solid food.  And, of course, you walk around in public for days with a feeding tube sticking out of your nose.  Other than that, not much.

Haven’t we reached a dangerous point in the destructive self-image category if women are so obsessed with their weddings that they are willing to be fed through a tube for days in order to squeeze into the bridal gown of their dreams?