I was walking through the Golden Hobby parking lot recently when I passed this car parked in a spot near the building. As I noticed the car’s ridiculously speckled status, I reflexively squinted skyward to make sure that I wasn’t about to be dive-bombed by a squadron of our flying feathered friends. Fortunately, there wasn’t a bird in sight.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a functioning car in this condition. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an abandoned car in this kind of shape, with dozens and dozens of avian deposits marring its paint job.
I found myself wondering: where could this poor driver have parked that would their car in such a state? Kish and I park in the Golden Hobby lot from time to time and have never had this kind of problem, and I’m confident I’ve never seen other cars with a similar pattern of countless bird droppings in the lot. I therefore conclude that the poor driver parked somewhere else, returned to find their car a very public testament to the gastrointestinal irresponsibility of the bird set, and then experienced the humiliation of driving to German Village without going to a car wash first. It’s hard to imagine that anyone wouldn’t immediately go to a car wash to remove the droppings before they left permanent marks, but perhaps car washes aren’t “essential businesses” these days.
But the fact that the car came from somewhere else begs a highly significant question: where could this person have parked their car that could leave it in such a state — and for how long? Is there some kind of secret pigeon sanctuary somewhere in central Ohio? Or do Columbus birds just have a deep and instinctive dislike of this particular brand of Chevrolet sedan? Or could a flight of birds simply have wanted to engage in some long-range bombing practice and decided to use this unlucky vehicle as their intended target?
These may seem like minor issues with all of the big matters that are occupying our attention these days, but it’s the little things that are within our control that can really make a difference. Wherever this person was parked, it is unquestionably the worst parking space ever, and I want to be sure that we never, ever park our nice, gleaming car there and return to find it in this kind of shape.