Pepsi-Flavored Cheetos?

Apparently some people really relish the combination of Cheetos and Pepsi — so much so that the Frito-Lay Company is selling Pepsi-flavored Cheetos in Japan, and eventually could bring that combination to America.

It doesn’t sound very enticing to me, but I’m not partial to the taste of Pepsi.  According to the Los Angeles Times article linked above, the new product replaces the overpowering cheesiness of Cheetos with a Pepsi flavor instead.  In addition, some reviewers are saying that the taste goes overboard with the citrus element of Pepsi.

If that description is accurate, I think this new product misses the point.  Although I don’t eat Cheetos or similar “snack foods” anymore — my 56-year-old constitution is no longer capable of quickly breaking down such items, and instead simply and irrevocably deposits them on my waistline in the form of immutable belly fat — my recollection is that part of the pleasure of the Cheetos-Coke combination was first savoring the over-the-top cheesiness, then having that cut by the cola taste, and finally letting the cola soak into the Cheetos until you could smush the individual Cheetos nugget between your tongue and the roof of your mouth, allowing the cheese and cola combination to come flooding out.

In short, there was a sequencing of flavors issue, a texture issue, a combination of flavors issue, and then a tactile sensation issue, all rolled into proper consumption of Cheetos and a cola.  Just replacing the cheese flavor with a Pepsi flavor wouldn’t come close to replicating the real experience.  For that reason, I predict Pepsi-flavored Cheetos will end up in the great scrap heap of failed new products.

Lipstick On The Cup

It’s very early on a work day morning.  As part of my routine, I make some coffee.  I pull down one of our coffee cups from the cupboard, and there it is — that telltale half moon of red lipstick, left there when Kish used the cup.

Don’t get the wrong idea.  It’s not as if we don’t wash our coffee cups.  It’s just that our dishwasher doesn’t remove lipstick from cups.  I’m sure we’re not alone on this.  In our household, the only way to get the lipstick off the cup is to take one of our scouring pads and apply some elbow grease to scrub the cup clean.  As I was thinking when I was doing precisely that the other day:  why do you think they call it lipstick?

Lipstick is just one of those everyday consumer products that has unexpected properties.  Lipstick and a white coffee cup would come in handy if you wanted to leave an indelible message for future generations.  Lipstick apparently has the same mysterious bonding properties with dishes that also is found with cereal and milk.  Have you ever noticed that if you eat a bowl of cereal and leave it in the sink without immediate rinsing, the milk dries and the cereal becomes cemented to the bowl with epoxy-like strength?  You basically have to use a spoon and chisel the shriveled, dessicated Honey Nut Cheerios off the side of the bowl.  And nothing can leave a longer-lasting stain on shirts, human flesh, or gum tissue than the garish yellow dust of a few Cheetos.  These products, which are routinely consumed by modern Americans, have an odd permanence about them.

It gives you an entirely new appreciation for the apparent capabilities of the human digestive tract, doesn’t it?