The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Driving On Icy, Snow-Covered Roads

If you visit the instructional book section of your local library, you’ll undoubtedly see books entitled “The Complete Idiot’s Guide To” software programs, or French cooking, or virtually any other topic you care to name.

IMG_2992I’ve never read one of those books, because I don’t consider myself to be a complete idiot.  (Webner House readers are, of course, free to disagree with that undoubtedly generous self-assessment.)  I wonder, however, if there are such books where the Complete Idiot refers to the writer, and not the intended audience.  I suspect this is so because I spent yesterday navigating highways during Ohio snowstorms, and my fellow motorists certainly were driving like they’d just finished careful study of The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Driving On Icy, Snow-Covered Roads.

From the actual driving techniques I observed, I surmise that the book included the following helpful tips:

*  On snow-covered highways, remain right behind the car in front of you, so you stay safely in the packed snow channels just created by that car’s wheels.

*  Constant, unpredictable lane changes and weaving in and out of traffic will help keep you and your fellow drivers alert.

*  Frequently hit your brakes at random intervals.  The sharp braking motion will jar packed snow and ice loose from your tires.

*  When a car in front of you begins to fishtail, quickly accelerate and try to pass the car on an inside lane.

*  Make lane changes as abruptly as possible, to minimize the time your tires will be in contact with the snow accumulating between lanes.

*  Be sure to call your friends while you are driving, because they will want a real-time description of what it’s like to drive in a snow storm.