Yesterday a friend got me an Ohio State garden gnome as a present. Now I need to figure out where to put him.
The gnome cuts quite a dashing figure. He’s about a foot high, and his face is deftly painted. Clad in Ohio State team colors, he wears a gray shirt and pants, a scarlet “0” football jersey, and a crooked gnome hat covered with Buckeye leaves and the Ohio State insignia. He sports necklaces of buckeyes and OSU beads, and carries a football and what appears to be a Brutus doll. From the plaintive expression on his face, however, I would not be surprised if the Brutus doll actually turned out to be a disguised flask carrying the gnome’s favorite adult beverage. Obviously, this is a guy who knows his way around the ‘Shoe and tailgate parties.
I think this bite-sized Buckeye would be lost and lonely in the garden. Clearly, the gnome needs human companionship of the Buckeye variety. But, where to put this fine specimen of Buckeyehood? On the desk in our study, where the careful preseason analysis of the 2012 team and season already is underway? On the kitchen counter, where football game snacks and libations are prepared? By the TV, where games are viewed with appalling intensity? Or in my office, to inspire me to even greater heights of accomplishment during the humdrum workday?