Bring Your Parents To Work Day

According to the Wall Street Journal, it’s becoming increasingly common for businesses to host “Bring Your Parents to Work” days.  The Society for Human Resource Management estimates that around 1 percent of American employers host such an event, with advertising and tech companies like LinkedIn leading the way.

fullsizerender__1_Companies see such events as appealing to young employees who are close to their parents. (Or, stated alternatively, some companies may realize that they’re hiring Gen X/Y/Zers who have helicopter parents who have always been deeply involved in every facet of their children’s lives and expect that to continue into core adulthood activities like working at a job.)

The article reports that the parents who attend these days wander around the office, wearing matching “Josh’s Mom” and “Josh’s Dad” t-shirts and snapping pictures of their kids at work and posting them on Facebook.  And, parents being parents, it’s not unusual for them to corner executives and pepper them with questions about how the company is doing — and, presumably, why their gifted kid isn’t moving faster up the corporate ladder.  For that reason, some of the children admit that having Ma and Pa at the office can be an anxiety-inducing experience.  Others, though, think that visits from their folks will help their parents understand what they do and where they spend a lot of their time.

It’s another example of how family dynamics have changed over the years.  My parents were interested in making sure that I got a job, kept a job, and became self-supporting, because that was part of the road to responsible adulthood, but they sure didn’t express any desire to experience the workplace with me for a day — and I really wouldn’t have wanted them to do so, anyway.

Some people obviously see the notion of “Bring Your Parents to Work” days as a way for parents who are close to their kids to further cement that bond.  I see the workspace, in contrast, as off-limits territory, where people should be making it on their own, without oversight from Mom and Dad.  I think it’s part of the boundary drawing that has to occur as children grow up and make it on their own.  Apparently, not everybody wants to draw those boundaries these days.

Squelching Summer Fun

When we were kids and lived on The Circle in semi-rural Bath, Ohio, a typical summer day went like this:  we got up early, ate cereal, and ran from the house to play outside with the gang of other kids in the neighborhood.  We’d ride our bikes and climb trees, play “army” and baseball and kickball, build dams and catch tadpoles in the creek that ran through the woods, and make up stupid games.  Except for stopping to eat a lunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches served by one of the moms in the neighborhood — usually selected at random — we were outside and on our own all day long, and after we’d eaten dinner at home, often at the picnic table outside, we’d find our friends again and catch lightning bugs and play freeze tag until it was time for bed.  And if we were lucky enough to go somewhere for a beach vacation (in our case, to Ocean City, New Jersey), we’d dig in the sand, bury each other, and build sand castles.

fun-ways-to-celebrate-the-summer-solstice-sqI remember those long, hot summer days fondly — but if you read the expert advice given to parents these days, you’d think that our entire group of friends was unbelievably lucky to survive them without experiencing serious injury or lifelong trauma.

Consider the “10 Rules for Summer Safety” published by parents.com.  It cautions against overexposure to the sun, heat exhaustion, doing anything around water, wearing clothing with floral patterns that might attract stinging bees, poisonous plants, and bug bites, among other things to worry about.  Some experts (including, apparently, the U.S. EPA) are very concerned about sand, whether a child is digging in it, being buried in it, or even walking on it.  And don’t even think about letting your child walk around outside barefoot!

All of these cautions about potential death-dealing problems lurking outside on that sunny summer’s day are bad enough, but what’s really troubling about these “rules” for child safety is that they presuppose that the parents are right there, at all times, making sure that the kids don’t take off their shoes or touch creek water or walk on sand or risk brushing up against what might be a poisonous plant.  We seem to have totally lost the notion that kids might actually be able to fend for themselves, and that whatever problems might occur — skinned knees, bug bites, sun burns, and the like — were a small price to pay for letting kids get lots of fresh air, have fun, engage in creative, self-directed play, and establish a little independence with their neighborhood friends.

If you took these warnings seriously, you’d decide that the best course is to just keep your kids inside, where there are fewer dangers around every corner and they can be in your line of sight at all times, as they sit watching TV, or playing video games, or tapping away on a computer.  Could it be that the worries about outdoor play that the experts have raised, and the parental response to them, have contributed to the rise in asthma, obesity, and diabetes in children who never go outside and get any exercise, sunshine, or fresh air without being lathered with sunscreen and scrutinized by helicopter parents?

Who knows more about what kids are capable of — the skittish experts of our modern world, or those Moms of the ’60s who were perfectly willing to let their kids go out and play, unattended by adults, confident that the kids could take care of themselves.  I’ll trust the practical experience of the ’60s Moms over the experts any day.

Why Don’t People Save More?

In America, the personal savings rate, by household, continues to decline from year to year.  Although the U.S. isn’t dead last in the world, American households lag well behind most developed countries when it comes to salting money away for the future.

monopoly-banker-with-empty-pockets-900x900Why?  Why aren’t adult Americans more focused on saving for a rainy day, or having a contingency fund, even a modest one, that they can fall back on if a personal emergency hits?  The savings deficiency is reflected both in the lack of money kept for use if the need arises in everyday life — like a special health care bill or car repair — and the shocking statistics that you read from time to time about how little the average household has saved for retirement.

An interesting Bloomberg article posits that the causes are a combination of keeping up with the Joneses and helicopter parenting.  The article’s headline aptly captures its gist:  “Parents Are Bankrupting Themselves to Look Adequate.”  The concept is that while there are a lot of causes for the non-savings phenomenon — easy credit and more credit, the development of previously unavailable goods and products, like miracle drugs, that cost a lot, and so on — a big one is that parents feel so competitive about things like schools,  activities like expensive camps, or clothes and cars for their kids that they are spending themselves to the brink of oblivion, to the point where even a modest reversal of fortune plunges them over the financial abyss.

Are parents now more focused on getting the best for their kids at all costs than, say, parents of the ’60s and ’70s?  Probably, and for some people it’s likely a combination of competitiveness and irrationality, where parents just aren’t willing to say no to, say, putting their kid on a sports travel team that requires the whole family to travel to some faraway spot virtually every weekend and stay in a hotel while the kid is involved in contests.   I could be wrong, but I can’t imagine my parents doing that.

In my view, though, the big underlying difference between this generation and those that have gone before is personal experience.  My parents lived through the Great Depression as children and saw what is was like.  They knew that disaster could strike and that the best way to prepare for that possibility was to save.  I got that understanding from my parents and grandparents, for whom the Depression was always a very real thing.  If you’ve never really experienced adversity, and aren’t thinking it’s really a plausible scenario, then you might well borrow to the hilt to buy fancy cars for your kids or to finance a high-end school, expecting that things will somehow work out.  And although the Great Recession had some impact on this seemingly pervasive sense that everything will be OK, and caused a little upward blip in savings, its impact has dissipated and the savings rate has dropped back to incredibly low levels.

Sometimes, bad things do happen.  If you don’t have some savings that you can fall back on, you’re stuck — and that useful life lesson just comes too late.