Is the art of hugging gender-specific? And I say “art” intentionally, because some people are really good at hugging and go all-in for an entirely natural, smooth, enveloping hug, whether they are the hug-deliverer or the hug-recipient. Others among us, however, haven’t even risen to the paint-by-numbers stage in the art of hugging. When the logical time for a potential hug comes, we’re standing there, as stiff and awkward and bumbling as Richard Nixon in the famous photo with Sammy Davis, Jr. You might as well hug a telephone pole.
A recent study indicates that successful hugging may have gender-specific elements. The study focused on hugs between romantic partners and found that women who hug their partners before a stressful event, like an exam or an important presentation, experience a decrease in anxiety, reflected in a reduction in production of stress-related hormones. Men who got hugged, however, did not experience a similar reduction in those hormones.
I’m wondering if that’s because the guys in the study were experiencing a deep sense of dread about whether they were correctly participating in the hug, or totally botching it in a Nixonian way.
The researchers in this particular study conclude that more research is needed to fully assess the reactions to hugs, including analyzing the effect of hugs between platonic friends and whether a brief hug has the same stress-reducing impact as a prolonged hug. Either way, it looks like more hugging may lie ahead. The hugging-challenged among us should brace ourselves–which we would probably do anyway.
Cuomo’s lawyer prepared and released an 85-page response to the Attorney General’s report. One of the interesting things about the response is a section with “eight pages with photos of the governor hugging various people, and another 15 showing hugging involving political figures including President Joe Biden, Vice President Kamala Harris, former Presidents Barack Obama and George W. Bush, and Hillary Clinton, the former secretary of state and U.S. senator from New York.” (You can read Cuomo’s statement about the Attorney General’s report and find his 85-page response here.) The response document explains, at page 5, that Cuomo “has hugged or kissed male and female members of his staff, Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton, Andrea Stewart Cousins and Carl Heastie, as well as constituents he meets on the street, and family and friends, as has been well documented.” The response contends: “The Governor’s conduct in this regard is unremarkable: Democratic and Republican politicians, male and female alike, use handshakes, hugs, and kisses to connect with others.”
In short, politicians routinely invade the personal space of everybody, male and female, so what’s the big deal? The implication is that such unwanted contact is not harassment, it’s just the reality of how politicians generally behave.
Of course, not every politician engages in serial hugging, kissing, and touching. When I worked on Capitol Hill, my boss, Congressman Chalmers P. Wylie, was a very proper person who never, in my personal experience, did anything more than give a good firm handshake for a “grip and grin” photo with constituents. And while other politicians seem to crave close physical contact–you can find lots of photos of President Biden awkwardly touching people, for example–the fact that other politicians don’t recognize boundaries doesn’t excuse Cuomo’s behavior. More importantly, can anyone really doubt that the power relationship allows politicians like Cuomo to behave as if the normal rules of interpersonal conduct don’t apply to them? If you look at the photo above, it’s hard to believe that any normal person would hold someone’s face in that way, and then not recognize from the woman’s facial expression and obvious discomfort that the contact was unwelcome–and upsetting. But that’s not how the “personal touch” politicians are wired.
We’ll have to see what happens with Governor Cuomo and any litigation that might result from the Attorney General’s report and other apparently ongoing investigations. But maybe his “everybody does it” defense might actually cause people to take a closer look at handsy politicians and bring an end to their hugging, clutching, shoulder-grabbing, close-talking invasions of personal space. Politicians really need to learn to keep their distance.