Unexpected Consequences Of Remote Work

The prevalence of remote work has changed a lot of things in our world. From traffic patterns during rush hour to restaurant usage in downtown areas to what people are regularly wearing from the waist down that can’t be seen on Zoom or Teams calls, the reality of many people working from home has reordered our lives in more ways than we can list.

Here’s another change that you might not have considered yet: what are you going to do with that inevitable cache of leftover Halloween candy? You know, the excess that was created because you don’t want to be caught in the dreaded predicament of being the only house on the block to run out of candy while Beggars’ Night is still going strong, so you bought an extra bag or two of “snack size” candy bars and little boxes of Milk Duds?

In the pre-pandemic world, the solution to disposition of the excess Halloween candy was easy and obvious: because you didn’t want to keep the tempting little goodies in the house for fear that you would fall into a chocolate consumption frenzy, you took the leftovers to the office. Once your supply of candy was placed in a bowl next to the coffee machine, you could be confident that the candy would be fully and happily consumed by anonymous officemates within hours, if not minutes.

But with remote work, those rapacious hordes aren’t at the office every day anymore, and the office coffee station isn’t the hub of frantic consumption that it was in days of yore. You’re not going to be able to rely on “taking it to the office” to get rid of that leftover candy, unless the federal government declares an emergency and orders everyone to return to their offices for National Candy Consumption Day on the Monday after the Halloween weekend, to assist in the Snickers and Reese’s and SweeTarts disposition effort.

Give it some thought before you go out to buy your trick or treat candy this year and come up with your preferred approach. Do you buy less, to avoid any excess? Or do you follow your standard “avoid a shortfall” overbuying approach, and figure out an alternative method of getting rid of the leftover trove? Or do you head in an entirely different direction, disavow candy altogether, and offer trick-or-treaters those unappealing “healthy snacks” that nagging health authorities have been trying to get us to hand out for years, on the theory that while the kids clearly won’t like them, at least they won’t tempt you, either?

Welcome to the remote work world.

Coffee Station Candy

On the day after Trick-or-Treat night — that is, today — you can always count on finding Halloween candy by the office coffee station.

IMG_3492And all of us know, too, exactly how the internal spousal conversation that produced the candy cornucopia went.  “We bought too much candy, again.”  “I don’t want it around the house — I’ll just eat it.”  “Take it to the office and get rid of it!”  And across America, from sea to shining sea, huge amounts of leftover Halloween candy was tastefully displayed by the office coffee pot and then gobbled down, surreptitiously, by legions of famished co-workers.  Watch out!  If you’re not quick on your feet, you might miss out — or lose a hand reaching for one of the coveted pieces of chocolate goodness.

On our floor, I think we went though four different collections of leftover Halloween candy that included Butterfingers, Reese’s Cups, Whoppers, and other high-end chocolate confections.  I particularly liked this bat-themed, Scooby Doo character bowl, which perhaps lasted for five minutes before being emptied.

What To Do With That Leftover Halloween Candy?

We didn’t have many trick-or-treaters this year.  It’s cold and rainy here in New Albany, and the crappy weather caused the Beggars’ Night kids to keep their neighborhood prowling to a minimum.

As a result, it’s become obvious that we are grossly overstocked with candy.  You almost wish that a bunch of 16-year-olds who aren’t wearing Halloween costumes would come by, so we could just dump the bowl of leftover candy into their pillow sacks.  The alternative — to keep the candy around the house — just means that it will be consumed by 50-year-olds with minimal metabolisms.  If we keep all of this candy around and eat it ourselves, we’ll soon find ourselves in the Chris Christie category.

Fortunately, there is a solution.  I work in a white-collar office environment.  As anyone who works in an office knows, if you put candy out by the coffee station, it will be gone in a nanosecond.  In fact, I’m convinced that a viable solution to the nuclear waste disposal problem is to cover the radioactive debris in chocolate and put it next to the Bunn coffee brewer at our firm.  That’s where this candy will be headed tomorrow — if Kish and I can avoid the temptation until then.