On the day after Trick-or-Treat night — that is, today — you can always count on finding Halloween candy by the office coffee station.
And all of us know, too, exactly how the internal spousal conversation that produced the candy cornucopia went. “We bought too much candy, again.” “I don’t want it around the house — I’ll just eat it.” “Take it to the office and get rid of it!” And across America, from sea to shining sea, huge amounts of leftover Halloween candy was tastefully displayed by the office coffee pot and then gobbled down, surreptitiously, by legions of famished co-workers. Watch out! If you’re not quick on your feet, you might miss out — or lose a hand reaching for one of the coveted pieces of chocolate goodness.
On our floor, I think we went though four different collections of leftover Halloween candy that included Butterfingers, Reese’s Cups, Whoppers, and other high-end chocolate confections. I particularly liked this bat-themed, Scooby Doo character bowl, which perhaps lasted for five minutes before being emptied.
We didn’t have many trick-or-treaters this year. It’s cold and rainy here in New Albany, and the crappy weather caused the Beggars’ Night kids to keep their neighborhood prowling to a minimum.
As a result, it’s become obvious that we are grossly overstocked with candy. You almost wish that a bunch of 16-year-olds who aren’t wearing Halloween costumes would come by, so we could just dump the bowl of leftover candy into their pillow sacks. The alternative — to keep the candy around the house — just means that it will be consumed by 50-year-olds with minimal metabolisms. If we keep all of this candy around and eat it ourselves, we’ll soon find ourselves in the Chris Christie category.
Fortunately, there is a solution. I work in a white-collar office environment. As anyone who works in an office knows, if you put candy out by the coffee station, it will be gone in a nanosecond. In fact, I’m convinced that a viable solution to the nuclear waste disposal problem is to cover the radioactive debris in chocolate and put it next to the Bunn coffee brewer at our firm. That’s where this candy will be headed tomorrow — if Kish and I can avoid the temptation until then.