Most vanity plates seem like a waste of money to me. If you’re going to use your vanity plate to make a public declaration about your support for the Greatest Sandwich Ever Conceived, however, I can definitely understand that — especially now, when my effort to avoid carbs means that the classic peanut butter and jelly sandwich is like the forbidden fruit. But a man can dream, can’t he? I’ll take mine with crunchy peanut butter and strawberry jam and cut diagonally, thank you very much.
Here’s some exciting news: Ohio is redesigning its license plate! It wanted Ohioans to help, so it established a website that allowed Ohioans to vote on which of dozens of different potential “facts,” phrases and slogans “best describes Ohio”!
Anyone who thinks there is no poetry lurking in the souls of the bureaucrats in the Ohio Department of Public Safety hasn’t read the list of candidates. It includes gems like “17th State,” “1st Traffic Light,” “Glacial Grooves,” “40,948 Square Miles,” “Happiness Is Here,” and “State of Perfect Balance.” (Seriously!) These options make you want to hop into your car and drive all night to visit our fair state, don’t they? Or how about “Est. 1803” — as if Ohio were a kind of hotel? My personal favorite is the wondrously clueless “Recycle Ohio,” which if selected no doubt would be the source of sniggering amusement by Michigan Wolverine fans everywhere who read it as a command.
When you see this kind of exceptional creativity by our state government officials, it makes you perversely grateful that the license plates on most Ohio cars are completely covered with muck, ice, and road salt grime during the winter months.