Heinz is encouraging Americans to vote on a question that could affect the tabletops of restaurants throughout the land.
The question is: do Americans want Heinz to release a new condiment called “Mayochup” — a combination of Heinz Ketchup and Heinz Real Mayonnaise. If 500,000 people vote yes, Heinz will roll out the new product and send it to stores.
Set aside the sad fact that some Americans have actually taken time from their days to cast their vote on what is clearly a marketing campaign ploy. In modern, bot-ridden America, you could get 500,000 votes for just about anything. Come hell or high water, Heinz obviously is going to bring their new condiment to market.
Set aside, too, the fact that the name “mayochup” sounds like some mythical creature that parents use to frighten their misbehaving children in southern Mexico, or the noise made by a barfing cow. It is a truly awful name for a product. Just having something called “Mayochup” on a table where food is being consumed is troubling.
And, finally, set aside the fact that “Mayochup” is made with mayonnaise, which is a disgusting, greasy, ugly substance that should never have been invented by the French back in the 1700s in the first place.
No, the worst thing about “Mayochup” is that it shows just how lazy Americans have become. If some poor, benighted souls like the combination of ketchup and mayonnaise — which really says something disturbing about them, doesn’t it? — they can squirt some ketchup from the ketchup bottle, add some mayonnaise from the mayo jar, mix it up themselves, and go to town. What’s next for Heinz? An equally poorly named product called “Ketchtard”?