April Showers Bring Mass Murder

Gentle April — when the earth thaws and spring flowers bloom!  April, which moved Shakespeare to write:  “As oft ‘twixt May and April is to see, When winds breathe sweet, untidy though they be.”  April, when the optimistic promise of spring is finally realized and the month ends with sunshine and warming breezes on our faces!

So why has April become the month that violence and domestic terrorism experts are calling the start of “the killing season”?

Let’s face it:  April’s recent track record really sucks.  From the Oklahoma City bombing to the Columbine killings to the Virginia Tech mass murders to the Boston Marathon attack, April has a history as bloody as a Quentin Tarantino film.  It’s painfully apparent, and not just for people like me who have April birthdays and notice the awful things that seem to happen, with distressing regularity, during my natal month.  Experts are wondering why.

ahitlerThey think it may have all started with Adolf Hitler.  He and I share the same April 20 birthday, and his legacy is so bloody and terrible, with its toxic mixture of racial purity and brown-shirted fascism and institutionalized genocide, that it has attracted wackos and racists and nutjobs eager to make a name for themselves long after Hitler killed himself.  It wasn’t coincidence that the Columbine shootings also occurred on April 20 — just one of the many bad things that happened on that date, so much so that some people say it’s the worst day of the year.  One of the Columbine shooters was obsessed with Hitler and planned the attack to occur on his birthday.

Unfortunately, the experts say, the crazies among us apparently pay attention to such anniversaries.  Timothy McVeigh specifically planned the Oklahoma City bombings for April 19, which was the same day that the FBI stormed the Branch Davidian compound in Waco and 76 people were killed.  More recently, other killers have planned their attacks to recognize or emulate McVeigh, or the Columbine shooters, or one of the other lunatics who have turned the April calendar into a horror show of evil and carnage.

So keep your eyes open.  If recent years are any indication, something really, really bad is going to happen this month.

Poor April.  It really deserves better.