Two Weeks ‘Til Doomsday

A gentle reminder to all Webner House readers:  the Mayan “long count” calendar ends on December 21, 2012.  Get ready!

It’s entirely natural that people would be paying attention to the end of a calendar created by a long-dead ancient civilization that engaged in ritual human sacrifice.  The “long count” calendar began, quite logically, in 3114 B.C. and accounts for time in those familiar 394-year-long periods called bak’tuns.  December 21st marks the end of the 13th and final bak’tun.  Some people are preparing by engaging in panic buying of food and candles and other essentials.  The U.S. government, on the other hand, has reassured us that the world won’t end on December 21.  If Uncle Sam says it, it must be so.

The big problem with the Mayans is that they weren’t very clear about what would happen when this latest bak’tun cycles down to nothingness.  Will old Earth be smashed to bits by a comet or a hidden planet?  Will returning aliens land on the Gaza plateau and plains of Chichen Itza?  Will the 22nd mark the commencement of the Apocalypse, Ragnarok, and the return of vengeful Mayan gods, ready to give puny humans their comeuppance?  Or, as I prefer to think, will the end of the unlucky 13th bak’tun herald the beginning of a blissful new era of enlightenment where negotiations about “fiscal cliffs” are quickly consummated to the satisfaction of all and the Cleveland Browns win dozens of Super Bowls?

We’ll find out soon enough.  If I’m right, on the 22nd all of those panicky folks are going to feel pretty silly, wasting their money on candles and food instead of buying Cleveland Browns paraphernalia that you can get a bargain prices these days.