A Commoner’s View

I think that, with respect to many things, you can divide the human race into two clear categories.  Those who care deeply about professional sports and those who think it’s weird that people are so passionate about grown-ups playing what are obviously children’s games.  Those who like heavy metal music and those who think it’s a secretly devised form of eardrum torture.

180519-royal-carriage-mc-1322_2___825391-nbcnews-ux-1080-600And those who care about things like today’s royal wedding, and not only will watch broadcasts of it from beginning to end but will drink tea and eat crumpets and display Union Jack flags and wear the kind of silly hats that our friends across the pond will happily don on such august occasions, and those who scratch their heads in bewilderment that anybody in America would refer to a complete stranger in a different country as a “royal” or speak knowingly about “Prince Harry” and “the Queen” or pay any attention whatsoever to their nuptials or to anything else they might do or say.

I’m in the second category.  I’ve never understood the fascination that some people have with the British monarchy, and when something like a wedding happens the attention that it draws seems to me like lunacy.  I’m not one of those people who thinks that Americans who are interested in this stuff are betraying their democratic roots or high-society wannabes, I just find it mystifying that anybody cares about it.  I suppose some people just like the pomp and pageantry that the Brits do so well, and enjoy talking about dresses and hats and the uniforms that the men wear.

Me?  I’d really rather watch sports.  In this world, I think, it takes all kinds.

Royal Wedding Versus Jersey Shore

On Friday many Anglophilic Americans will get up extra early, brew some good strong tea and let it steep, heat up scones with clotted cream, and tune in the royal wedding.  Great Britain’s Prince William is getting married to Kate Middleton, and the royal watchers will be agog at the extraordinary display — commenting on every nuance of the ceremony, the cost of the event, the origins of the silks and satins in the bridal gown, the nature of the floral displays, and countless other details that no rational person would even notice.

The British people have a hereditary monarchy; they more or less have to pay attention to this stuff.  Why do any Americans, who fought the Revolutionary War 235 years ago to throw off the British monarchy, care?  Who knows for sure?  But Americans do like celebrity, and the British royal family are just about the essence of celebrity.  They’re super-rich and seemingly stylish, they live in castles and palaces, they take fabulous vacations and holidays, they wear crowns and medals and kilts and fine hats and gowns, and they don’t have jobs in the normal sense of the word.  What’s not to like?

Some haughty Americans will use the occasion of the royal wedding to make fun of the Brits and their American cousins who are obsessed with the royal family.  However, in a land where the dim-witted cast members of Jersey Shore are famous, we shouldn’t be so quick to cast judgment on our friends across the pond.  After all, even “Fergie” is not more appalling than Snooki.  If you have to live in a culture that seems to inevitably make otherwise unremarkable people famous, at least let it be folks who can speak the King’s English properly, who live in Windsor Castle, and who don’t apply make-up with a trowel, flaunt their perma-tans and cleavage and pumped-up muscles, blather to a camera about their inane personal problems, and routinely engage in drunken misbehavior.

So, good luck and best wishes to the Prince and his bride!  Now, let us get back to our fixation on American low lifes.