Doorless

The other day the Long-Haired Red Sox Fan asked if I’d like to drive with him to lunch. I agreed, not knowing that I would be experiencing doorless downtown driving as a result.

The LHRSF has a new Ford Bronco that he is quite proud of, and his Ford Bronco, like all of the new Broncos, allows the owner to fully remove the doors–and roof. The Bronco is designed to be an off-road vehicle, and apparently driving around in the Great Outdoors with the doors off is what you are supposed to do to increase the off-roading fun factor. (Perhaps they should call it the “Great Nodoors” in recognition of that.) Of course, we weren’t going to be driving around the rugged landscape in, say, New Mexico, but instead venturing a mile or so through downtown Columbus. Nevertheless, the LHRSF thinks driving around with no doors enhances the fun factor wherever you are. He had removed the doors (he reports that it’s a cinch) and left them in his garage, although he had thoughtfully kept the roof attached.

It’s weird driving around in a vehicle with no doors. You’re totally exposed to the outside, and secured to your ride only by a seat belt. Being exposed might add to the fun when you’re off-roading through the elements, but in the city it basically means anyone can look in and get a full body view of everyone in the car. Until you drive around in a doorless Bronco, you don’t fully appreciate how much privacy is provided by car doors–and just how welcome that privacy is. And, with the asphalt perfectly visible and whizzing by only a few inches from your feet, you’ll never care more about the strength and quality of your seat belt.

We drove about a mile or so, from downtown to the Brewery District, without incident, and when we parked and went to our restaurant, no passerby used the open Bronco as a trash receptacle. Fortunately, we didn’t experience any unexpected cloudbursts. And the doorless ride back was uneventful, too.

I don’t think I would ever buy a vehicle that had a doorless option. I’m just too conventional, and I would always be tortured by thoughts of drivers and passengers being jettisoned from the vehicle and rolling along the roadway. But life is all about trying new things, and now–thanks to the LHRSF–I can say that I’ve driven in a doorless car. Another item on the bucket list has officially been checked.

Trivializing The Police

In America, we’re going through an awfully rough period of relations between the police and the citizenry, culminating in the recent, terrible murders of two New York City Police Department officers. It’s the rockiest period we’ve seen since the ’60s.  The police feel that they aren’t being fully supported by the political classes or appreciated by those who they work to protect, and among the citizenry there’s concern about militarization of the police, a seeming change to more aggressive policing tactics, and potential racial profiling.

There are no doubt a lot of reasons for this shift in attitude, but I think it is caused in part by the expansion of the role of police beyond the classic assignments of investigating serious crime and protecting civilians from violence.  Our legislators have made so many forms of conduct into crimes that officers increasingly are asked to police behavior that, to many of us, just doesn’t seem important enough to warrant personal involvement by the armed security forces of the state.

IMG_4459The recent choking death of Eric Garner was precipitated because he allegedly was selling single cigarettes in violation of a law.  Anyone who uses a gas station or drives a car has seen the ad campaigns warning that the police will be watching to see whether we’re all wearing our seat belts, and if we aren’t we’ll be stopped and ticketed.  And while no one questions the importance of trying to stop drunk driving, the commercials that show multiple police officers faded into the scenery at every corner, ever watching us, has it’s own creepy quality that feeds into the unhelpful, “us versus them” perception on both sides of the police-citizen division.

I appreciate the hard work of the police in protecting our communities and risking their lives to do so.  I also think, however, that the criminalization of certain economic activities, like selling single cigarettes, and stupid personal behavior, like driving without wearing a seat belt, trivializes the importance of the police and hurts the relations between the police and the community at large.  When officers are stopping people to ticket them for failing to “click it,” they seem less like an essential part of a civilized society and more like officious busybodies who are just looking for an excuse the hassle people. And such interactions also raise the risk of a confrontation that escalates into something truly unfortunate.

We would do well to revisit our statutes, get rid of the petty offenses, and reserve the power of the police for investigating murders, rapes, burglaries, and other significant crimes and apprehending the criminals who engage in such conduct.  If police were returned to their obviously important, but more limited, core functions, the respect and support for the officers of the law would increase.

Those Too-Tight Airplane Seat Belts

Apparently everyone who flies commercially in America these days is either a supermodel, an elf, or a child under the age of nine.

I say this because, without fail, when I finally plop down into my seat on the plane and fish out the seatbelt buckle halves from under my butt, I need to significantly adjust out the seatbelt straps.  My God, what stick figure could have used this seat on the incoming flight?  I always end up feeling a surge of shame that my middle-aged spread is grossly out of step with the rest of the country.

Interestingly, visual observation of American airports does not indicate that most air travelers are members of the fairy kingdom or just returning from the photo shoot for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.  No, the people hitting the Sbarro and TCBY stands with such gusto seem to be about as beefy as your standard American.

That means there may be another, more nefarious explanation.  Perhaps American exercise clubs, diet food manufacturers, and weight-loss supplement suppliers pay the crews that clean planes between flights to tighten every seat belt to 28-inch waist size, to encourage Americans to vow to lose some weight and use their products?