Skidmarks On The Bridal Gown

We’ve all heard stories about wedding day disasters involving a vomiting usher, an inept or appalling toast, a fainting groom, a participant left at the altar, split trousers, conga line failures, and other dance floor mishaps, the acting-out bridezilla, drunken, brawling guests, and countless other variations.  However,  this story about a telltale skidmark left when a kilt-wearing groom sat on his bride’s lap, causing the wedding to deteriorate into an alcohol-fueled melee, seems pretty hard to top.

As with so many stories of this type, the article covering the incident raises more questions than it answers.  Wouldn’t the groom have detected, through smell or other senses, the presence of issues below the equator?  Could anyone really be so drunk?  Or was the crass Scottish groom at about the same level of gentility as the face-painting clansman of Braveheart?  And if the groom actually sat down on his new wife’s lap in such a condition, wouldn’t his soiled rear end actually come into contact with his woolen kilt, rather than the white bridal gown?  What, was he wearing some kind of mini-kilt?  (If so, pity the other guests!)  Or did he flounce down on the bride so that his kilt flapped in the breeze like Marilyn Monroe’s dress in The Seven-Year Itch?  In short, could this story actually have happened?

If it did, the bride will want to get her gown cleaned before she stores it as a keepsake.