A Winter Wiper Fluid Ditty

Driving on Midwestern winter days makes you realize that windshield wiper fluid is one of the greatest inventions in the history of mankind.  Without it, we would all be driving blind, behind windshields coated with winter grime.

Wiper fluid hasn’t received the praise it so richly deserves.  In hopes of remedying this gross oversight, I’ve composed a little musical tribute, sung to the tune of Jingle Bells:

Wiper Fluid, Wiper Fluid

Driving down the road
on a crappy winter's day
Through grit and salt we go
My car looks painted grey
That semi passing by
He's coating me and then
Clear sight lines gone awry
I'd love to see again.

Oh, wiper fluid, wiper fluid
Don't run out today!
I'm driving on a slushy road
It's much to my dismay, hey!
Wiper fluid, wiper fluid 
Through salt, cinder and grime
My windshield's coated dry again
I need you one last time!


My windshield's dark and bleak
The blades leave it all smeared
Transparency is weak
It makes the world look weird
I pull the fluid knob
To get a needed spritz
And hope to God that I won't get
That "fluid's empty" hiss.

Oh, wiper fluid, wiper fluid
Don't run out today!
I'm driving on a slushy road
It's much to my dismay, hey!
Wiper fluid, wiper fluid 
Through salt, cinder and grime
My windshield's coated dry again
I need you one last time!