Driving on Midwestern winter days makes you realize that windshield wiper fluid is one of the greatest inventions in the history of mankind. Without it, we would all be driving blind, behind windshields coated with winter grime.
Wiper fluid hasn’t received the praise it so richly deserves. In hopes of remedying this gross oversight, I’ve composed a little musical tribute, sung to the tune of Jingle Bells:
Wiper Fluid, Wiper Fluid
Driving down the road on a crappy winter's day Through grit and salt we go My car looks painted grey That semi passing by He's coating me and then Clear sight lines gone awry I'd love to see again. Oh, wiper fluid, wiper fluid Don't run out today! I'm driving on a slushy road It's much to my dismay, hey! Wiper fluid, wiper fluid Through salt, cinder and grime My windshield's coated dry again I need you one last time! My windshield's dark and bleak The blades leave it all smeared Transparency is weak It makes the world look weird I pull the fluid knob To get a needed spritz And hope to God that I won't get That "fluid's empty" hiss. Oh, wiper fluid, wiper fluid Don't run out today! I'm driving on a slushy road It's much to my dismay, hey! Wiper fluid, wiper fluid Through salt, cinder and grime My windshield's coated dry again I need you one last time!