The best vodkas are a close to tasteless as distillation techniques can get. The most exceptional vodka I’ve ever tasted, a Polish potato vodka called Uluvka, was like drinking a cool shot of water. But this lack of inherent flavor and odor has been a double-edged sword for vodka. Because of those qualities, vodka is like a blank piece of alcohol canvas that flavor fanatics simply can’t resist. As a result, vodka has long been the subject of unseemly efforts to add flavors that have been disastrously wrong-headed–so much so that people have carefully compiled lists of the very worst flavored vodkas on the market.
When I saw that someone was offering a Doritos-flavored alcoholic beverage, I ruefully concluded that poor vodka had once again been the target of tortured taste efforts. But apparently that is not so, and the Doritos drink is an “uncategorized” spirit that is made using a vacuum distillation method that allows the creators to extract the “essence” of Doritos flavor. The company that makes the drink says the beverage features the flavors of “Nacho Cheese, corn tostada, umami, (and a) hint of acidity.” It isn’t clear whether tossing back of slug of Doritos alcohol would also give you the dusty mouthfeel and gummy aftertaste that inevitably results from slamming back a handful of Doritos while watching a football game at your friend’s place, which seem like key aspects of the whole Doritos experience.
If you’re interested, the Nacho Cheese Doritos liquor is apparently available for $65 a bottle.
I shan’t been tempted to shall out 65 bucks for a few shots of purportedly authentic Doritos flavor. I am glad, however, that good old vodka has finally dodged a flavoring bullet. Maybe the development of the vacuum distillation method used to create Doritos liquor means that, in the future, flavor fanatics will finally leave vodka alone. It’s about time.
Webner House 