Hike Ohio: Dawes Arboretum

Yesterday we visited the Dawes Arboretum, located on the outskirts of Newark, Ohio, about 30 miles east of Columbus. It was an overcast morning, but we hoped the weather would cooperate in allowing us to get in some good hiking, including tackling the Timber Run and Gorge Overlook trails. Alas, Mother Nature had a different idea.

The Dawes Arboretum occupies a big plot of land that covers familiar Ohio landscapes, from deep woods to rolling meadows and ponds–with some rarer territory, like a cypress swamp, thrown in. The grounds feature an extensive variety of plant life, all of which was blooming on a damp spring day. After paying our senior discount fee ($8.00, rather than the standard $10.00), we took the advice of the Arboretum employee at the entrance gate and did a drive around the grounds on the north and south loop roadways. Our first stop was the hedge letters, shown above, which spell out “Dawes Arboretum.” We climbed a viewing tower to get a better look and check for misspellings, but the hedge designers aced the test.

Our next stop was Dawes Lake, located next to the hedge letters. It’s really more of a big pond, with a mowed trail around the circumference. We took a nice stroll around the edge of the lake, encountering some geese and a bullfrog in full throat, when the sprinkles began. With the perversity that you often encounter with Ohio spring weather, the rain began to fall in earnest when we were precisely halfway around the lake, at the maximum distance from our car. By the time we got back to the Lincoln the rain was pelting down at a heavy rate and we were pretty well soaked.

The rain didn’t stop us from completing our auto tour, of course, and we saw some pretty scenes with some of the blooming plants and wildflowers that were drinking in the rainfall. Regrettably, however, the intensity of the rain increased, and it was obvious that the Timber Run and Gorge Overlook trails, which run for several miles to the east of the main arboretum grounds, would have to wait until another day. The employee at the entrance gate had cautioned us that they would be muddy from prior rains, and the new downpour wouldn’t make the hike any easier.

Before we left, however, I did get a chance to take in the Bald-Cypress Swamp, shown below, which has an interesting, otherworldly appearance. I half expected to see Yoda hobbling out from behind one of the trees. Swamps and wetlands are not common in the modern Buckeye State, but Ohio originally had extensive wetlands, located primarily in the northwestern part of the state. The Bald-Cypress Swamp at the Dawes Arboretum gives you a glimpse of an Ohio scene that undoubtedly was very familiar to the indigenous people who once roamed the Ohio forests.

After taking in the swamp, with no break in the rain in the offing, we decided the better course was to head back to Columbus, dry out in the car, and stop in Granville for lunch. We’ll have to return to Dawes for the trails when conditions are drier and Mother Nature is in a better mood.

Kid Sports

Yesterday we went to watch a girls’ basketball game in which one of the teams was coached by our niece. It was the first kid’s sports game we’ve watched in more than 15 years–since our kids graduated from high school–and it was . . . refreshing.

There’s a pleasant innocence about kid sports that you forget about if you aren’t exposed to it for a while. Yesterday’s game involved two teams of sophomore and junior age girls, and it was fun to watch. They hustled, they ran actual plays, they blocked out and rebounded, and they made some clutch shots. For both squads, it was very much a team game, and so far as I could tell no one complained or sulked when they were taken out for a substitute or groused when a teammate made a turnover. There were no apparent prima donnas; the players on both teams seemed to like their teammates and enjoy playing a game with them. The parents for both teams behaved, too. It was a close, well-played game, and when the horn sounded both teammates went through the handshake line without any rancor.

As I said . . . refreshing.

At some level team sports loses its innocence, and some ugliness creeps in. The results of the games take on paramount importance, and basic things like whether a player improves and develops their skills over a season are minimized. That’s the point at which many kids drop out of team sports, and that’s too bad, because being on a true team teaches kids some very important lessons and causes them to develop some very useful qualities that will serve them well during their professional careers. Be competitive, sure, but be a supportive teammate, too. Be willing to do the small things that advance the team goal. Recognize that everyone has a part to play.

Every employer wants employees with such qualities.

When you read about misbehaving professional and high-level collegiate athletes, you tend to forget about the kids like the girls we watched yesterday, who are enjoying playing a game and working hard to improve and sharpen their skills. But fortunately for all of us those kids are out there–and the society is better because of it.

Chubb’s Return

ESPN is reporting that the Cleveland Browns and their premier running back, Nick Chubb, have reworked their contract arrangement in a way that allows him to remain a member of the team. That’s great news for fans of the Browns, but also for anyone who wants to try to return a semblance of continuity to sports teams.

Nick Chubb is my favorite player on the Browns. He’s an “old school” player: a skilled running back who is adept at finding that little sliver of daylight that will allow him to bust a big play, but also willing to put his head down and work hard for the tough yards. He’s not a showboat, and you’ll never hear him complain about the blocking, the number of times he touches the ball during a game, or any of the other things that many players gripe about these days. I;’ve always thought Chubb’s blue-collar approach matched the attitude of Cleveland, the town. He was a perfect fit for the team and became the heart and soul of the Browns. It was hard to see him go down with an early season injury last year, and you wonder how the year would have gone for the Browns if that mishap hadn’t happened.

In any event, what is past is past, and in the NFL things move on very fast. Teams have to pay attention to complicated concepts like the salary cap as they assemble their rosters, and Nick Chubb’s contract would have required the Browns to take a salary cap hit if he had stayed on the team. Fortunately, they’ve reworked it in a way that reduces the cap impact, while still allowing Nick Chubb to do what Nick Chubb does. I think it’s great, because it shows that both the team and player recognize that there is value in continued partnership. It’s great for the fans, too, because it slows down that carousel of roster changes that seems to apply to every sports team these days, at the college or professional level. Having Nick Chubb stay with the Cleveland Browns is as welcome a development as Jose Ramirez’s decision to adjust his contract demands to stay with the Cleveland Guardians.

You never know how running backs will come back after a bad injury. All I can say with certainty based on past performance is that no one will work harder to get back into top shape than Nick Chubb, and when he puts on the uniform for a game he will continue to do his best every time the Browns decide to hand him the ball. That’s Nick Chubb for you, and I am thrilled he will be back.

Prop Betting

Well, we’ve reached Final Four weekend. It’s one of the biggest sports events of the year–which these days necessarily means it’s no doubt one of the bigger sports betting weekends of the year, too. If you’ve not been paying attention to the impact of legal sports gambling, know this: we’ve now reached the point where there are as many TV shows analyzing potential sports bets as there are shows that discuss the actual sports events themselves.

Among the bets that are analyzed on such shows are so-called “prop bets.” The prop bets are different from the familiar “point spread” bets on the ultimate outcome of a contest. “Prop bets” are much more granular, and require gamblers to take a position on a specific proposition–like whether a quarterback will throw over or under 2.5 touchdowns, or whether a team will make over/under 10 three-point shots in a particular game.

There’s a long history of gambling scandals in sports, at both the professional and college level. “Prop bets” seem to involve a lot more risk of gambling interests actually affecting outcomes. If you only have to influence one player to play poorly, that’s a much easier task than recruiting enough players to affect the outcome of a game.

The NCAA is concerned about “prop bets” for exactly this reason. It wants to protect the integrity of games and prevent scenarios where athletes may be “harassed” by gambling interests. As a result, it is urging states to ban such bets. Ohio already bans any kind of bet on individual performance or in-game statistics in college sports events, as do Vermont and Maryland; Louisiana recently followed suit. It’s not necessarily an easy sell, however, because gambling on sports is extremely popular, and “prop bets” are, too–that’s why you see them touted in so many of the sports gambling shows that have cropped up.

I’m not a betting person, so I’ve never been tempted to make any kind of bet on a sports event, “prop bet” or otherwise. But I’d also like to think I can watch a college football game without fear that a particular player’s performance was influenced by gambling. I’m glad Ohio doesn’t permit “prop bets” in college sports. I hope more states join in what seems like a reasonable regulation of gambling.

42

Today we celebrate our 42nd wedding anniversary. On April 3, 1982, on a cold and blustery day in Vermilion, Ohio, we were married–and the rest is history.

42 is a pretty important number, as numbers go. Any baseball fan will tell you that it is the immortal Jackie Robinson’s number–which is why there is a movie named, simply, “42.” It’s a number that therefore has come to signify a step toward equality, fairness, and opportunity and a stand against bigotry, prejudice, and oppression.

Fans of the Douglas Adams novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy also attach great significance to the number 42. In that book, the supercomputer Deep Thought takes 7.5 million years to determine the answer to the “Great Question” of “Life, the Universe and Everyhing” and the answer is, simply, “42.” You can get a sense of the broad impact of Adams’ book by a simple test: if you ask many search engines “what is the answer to everything?” you’ll undoubtedly see references to “42.”

Because of that reference and a long-standing math puzzle first posed in 1954, “42” has become a touchstone number for math geeks. Math geeks also will tell you that 42 is a pronic number, because it is the product of two consecutive integers (6 x 7) and a Harshad number, because it is divisible by the sum of its digits (4 + 2 = 6). 42 is a significant number in chemistry, religion, and ancient cultures, too.

It’s nice to know that this anniversary marks such a significant number, because 42 has obviously been an important number for us. We will happily celebrate that number today.

The Cinderella Effect

I’ve been really enjoying the NCAA Tournament this year. I didn’t fill out a bracket, but our annual Buck Back pool is in full, trash-talking swing, and the tournament is just great TV to watch, period. It’s got all the elements: compelling story lines, enormous pressure and ultra-high stakes because in every game a loss means one team’s season is ended, joy, fear, devastation, and other emotions being displayed by the players and their fans . . . and irresistible Cinderella stories.

What is it that draws us, every year, to the Cinderella teams–like the Oakland Golden Grizzlies, which on Thursday improbably toppled mighty Kentucky? Is it just that Americans traditionally root for the underdog? I suspect that there is a bit more to it than that. During the regular season, the sports media tends to focus on the big-name teams from the power conferences, ignoring the smaller schools and the more obscure conferences. You hear so much about the power teams you almost get sick of it. But the smaller schools that aren’t featured on ESPN Sportscenter have good players who might have decided to go to a smaller school rather than one of the big boys for many different reasons. When the tournament rolls around, those players finally get a chance to shine on the big stage, and they’ve got nothing to lose–whereas the big boys might be feeling the increasing pressure of a high seed. It’s nice to see those fresh faces that have been hidden from view until now.

There’s another element at play, too. Those smaller schools often are key parts of their communities. Many Americans live in places where these small schools are found. Oakland University, for example, is located in a suburb of Detroit. During the regular season Michiganders will root for That Team Up North and the Michigan State Spartans, but when the tournament arrives I’d guess those fans will also gladly yield a bit of their rooting interests to a school like Oakland in the Big Dance. At least, that’s what I do: I always root for the Ohio teams that have made the field of 64.

Alas, the Golden Grizzlies were knocked out yesterday, losing a heartbreaking overtime game to North Carolina State–which is a bit of a Cinderella story in its own right. But there are still a few of the Cinderella teams left, like Grand Canyon, James Madison, and Yale, each of which is hoping that they will be fitted with the glass slipper. We’ll be watching today and hoping their improbable journeys continue.

Our “New” Basketball Coach

Ohio State made Jake Diebler its new head basketball coach over the weekend. Diebler was also the old head basketball coach, having served in that role in an interim capacity for the last few games of the regular season and then in the Big Ten tournament.

It’s been a disappointing few years for Buckeye basketball, which is why the former head coach, Chris Holtmann, was given his walking papers. This year in particular was difficult to watch, as the Buckeyes blew big leads in several games, endured an embarrassingly long road losing streak, and didn’t seem to play up to the capabilities of a roster with some talent. But when Jake Diebler took over, it was like a light switch was turned on. The team immediately started playing better on both offense and defense, upset highly ranked Purdue, went 6-2 with some other big wins, and looked like a totally different team.

Diebler is an Ohio guy who comes across as humble, knowledgeable, likeable, and genuine. He changed up the rotation, went deep into his bench and got some nice production from players who hadn’t seen much action, and clearly connected with the team during his stint as interim head coach. That personal connection may be an important consideration for the players, who will now be considering whether to enter the transfer portal. Ohio State’s roster often seemed like a bit of a revolving door under Holtmann; perhaps Diebler can stop that trend and establish some stability.

Will Diebler be a good head coach and get the program back to where it was under Thad Matta, when the Buckeyes were perennial NCAA Tournament contenders? Eight games is a slim record on which to base a forecast. We’ve got no insight into his ability to recruit top-notch players, which is a huge part of college basketball success. But if I’m right about the strong connections he seemingly established with his players, that would suggest he will have some success on the recruiting trail.

Ohio State was mentioned as a potential landing spot for one of this year’s crop of hot coaches who are looking to move up from mid-major schools to a big-time school like Ohio State. Only time will tell if Diebler will be seen as a good hire, or a bust–but I’m glad the Buckeyes didn’t go with the flavor of the month as their new head coach, because their track record after moving up to the major college level hasn’t exactly been stellar. Let’s see what this Ohio guy can do.

The Guardians’ New Manager

In baseball, spring training is a time for discovery and learning. Hot shot prospects are evaluated, veterans recovering from injury gingerly try out their repaired arms and knees, and traded players and free agents work to fit into the lineups of their new teams.

For Cleveland Guardians fans, this spring also is a time for becoming acquainted with the team’s new manager, a fellow named Stephen Vogt. Vogt has the unenviable task of trying to fill the shoes of Terry Francona, a beloved manager whose deft handling of the team, and especially the bullpen, made the Guardians a perennial contender. Francona, who will be in the Hall of Fame one day, was that rarity in baseball: a manager who left on his own terms.

So what do we know about this guy who has such big shoes to fill? For one thing, he’s a young guy who was playing in the big leagues only two years ago. He’s never managed a major-league team, and has only one year of coaching experience, gained as the bullpen and quality control coach of the Seattle Mariners last year. He’s a former catcher who made it to two All-Star games, and catchers, who are used to calling pitches and helping to manage pitchers, are generally regarded as prime managerial fodder. And according to the Akron Beacon Journal, he’s a funny guy who does a killer impression of Chris Farley as Matt Foley, the motivational speaker.

Terry Francona has a great sense of humor, so it’s good to know that Stephen Vogt shares that quality. It will be weird to see someone else in the dugout for the Guardians, but I have a lot of respect for the Guardians’ management, which thinks they’ve found the right guy to replace a legend. I hope they’re right, and I’ll be rooting for Vogt and the Guardians as they start a new chapter. Let’s just hope that he doesn’t end up living in a van, down by the river!

Accommodating The Excesses

The Kansas City Chiefs beat the San Francisco 49ers in the Super Bowl last night. It was a tight game featuring good defenses, a few key turning points, and some last-minute heroics by Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce as the Chiefs pulled out the overtime win. I imagine the 49ers are thinking that they let the game get away from them. I thought they should have run the ball a lot more in the second half–but that’s your basic second-guessing. In any case, it was an enjoyable game for someone who didn’t have a dog in the fight.

It’s impossible to watch the Super Bowl without marveling at how exquisitely excessive and therefore exquisitely American it is, with the endless pregame hype and build-up, the photos of the sports and cultural celebrities in attendance, the ridiculous over-the-top halftime show, and the focus on the commercials. Sometimes, as happened last night, the athletic contest itself actually shines through all the hoopla. But irrespective of the game, it you wanted to give someone an idea of what America is all about, encouraging them to sit down and watch the Super Bowl broadcast from beginning to end would be a pretty good place to start.

And having the Super Bowl played in Las Vegas doubles down on that. It’s an apt place to host a wretchedly excessive cultural phenomenon, with the Strip and its fantasyland elements like the mini Eiffel Tower. In fact, Las Vegas and its 24-hour, carnival-type lifestyle is one of the few American cities where the excesses of the Super Bowl comfortably fit right in. If I were the NFL, I’d make sure that Las Vegas gets permanently added to the roster of Miami, New Orleans, and the other Super Bowl host cities.

Falling Just Short

I was sorry to see the Detroit Lions fall just short in their bid to make the Super Bowl this season, losing to the San Francisco 49ers in the NFC championship game, 34-31. The Lions are the only team to have been in the NFL for the entire Super Bowl era and not made it to the big game at least once. The Cleveland Browns haven’t made it to a Super Bowl, either, but Cleveland was without a team for several years because greedy owner Art Modell, cursed be his name, moved the original Browns franchise to Baltimore in the ’90s. 

Because of this shared futility, and the fact that both teams have endured embarrassing winless seasons, there’s a certain kinship between Browns fans and Lions fans. Back in the ’50s, both teams were powerhouses and often played in the NFL championship game; in fact the Lions’ last championship, in 1957, came at the expense of the Browns. In that era, the teams were rivals–but that was long ago, and as Browns fans know all too well, in the Super Bowl era pre-Super Bowl championships and rivalries don’t really seem to count. Now Browns fans and Lions fans form a kind of mutual aid and encouragement society.

So I was rooting for the Lions yesterday, and held out hope when Detroit dominated the first half and built a 17-point lead. Unfortunately, the game turned in the second half, and with a botched interception, an untimely fumble, some dropped passes, and some failed fourth down conversions, the 49ers came roaring back. It’s the kind of cascading scenario Browns fans know all too well. You can debate whether Detroit coach Dan Campbell should have tried some of those fourth-down attempts, but he’s taken that approach all season long, and you have to be true to yourself. At least the Lions showed they belonged.

So this year’s Super Bowl will feature the Kansas City Chiefs, who’ve been the Super Bowl six times, and the San Francisco 49ers, who’ve been the game eight times. For the Browns and the Lions, hoping desperately to make just one Super Bowl, these are unimaginable numbers. Next year, we can hope to see a Lions-Browns “Get Off The Schneid” Super Bowl. It likely wouldn’t involve Taylor Swift, but we’d take it anyway.

A Milestone For Women’s Sports

Women’s sports passed a milestone of sorts this week. A broadcast of a women’s college basketball game pitting the number one ranked South Carolina Gamecocks against the number 9 LSU Tigers went head-to-head with a broadcast of an NBA game–and drew more viewers. The women’s game attracted 1.56 million viewers, while 1.38 million watched the NBA game between the Boston Celtics and Miami Heat.

Women’s college basketball has been on a roll lately. The days when the UConn team seemed to win every year, when even games between highly ranked teams were often lopsided, are long since over. The LSU and South Carolina women’s teams have won the last two national championships in the sport and have a strong and growing rivalry. I’m also proud to report that the Ohio State Buckeyes women’s team has made its mark, too–last Sunday the Buckeyes’ thrilling overtime win over the Iowa Hawkeyes drew the most viewers of any women’s college game since 2010. I should add that the Lady Buckeyes packed more than 18,000 fans into the Value City Arena for that matchup, which is the largest crowd for a women’s game in OSU program history.

We’re moving into the post-football period of the sports calendar, when sports-hungry fans who are used to tuning in to watch college or professional pigskin match-ups will be looking for alternative viewing options. With the women’s college game offering exciting, competitive contests, compelling story lines, and some terrific players, don’t be surprised to see the women’s games go toe-to-toe with the NBA or men’s college games and hold their own in the ratings. And if you haven’t watched a women’s game in a while, you might give it a try.

The NFL Without Angst

After the Browns took their spanking in Houston and were knocked out of the playoffs, I retreated from the NFL for the rest of that weekend–thinking, correctly, that it would just be too painful to be repeatedly reminded by the commentators and pregame shows that the Browns had fallen short. 

I didn’t know at the time how long my voluntary retreat from the NFL would last . . . but when this weekend rolled around, the lure of watching a few games proved to be irresistible. And as I watched the two games yesterday, I realized that checking out an NFL playoff game when you don’t have a dog in the fight is pretty entertaining. The games were close, the stakes were high, the hits were bone-jarring, the football took some funny bounces, and the speed, athleticism, and power of the players was awesome. High-level football is a sport that is made for American sensibilities, and when you don’t have a particular connection to any of the teams you can appreciate the game and the players in all their glory.

Congratulations to the winners, and condolences to the losers. After it became clear Kansas City was going to beat Buffalo, CBS showed a shot of an obviously anguished Bills fan moved to tears by the impending loss–and I knew exactly how he felt. Eventually the fans of all but one team will share that feeling. I’m past that point and can now just enjoy the spectacle as the remaining teams fight it out. 

On The Nine-Year Plan

This week a University of Miami football player, tight end Cam McCormick, was granted a ninth season of college football eligibility by the NCAA. By the end of the 2024 season, McCormick will stand alone as the longest-tenured player in college football history.

McCormick was a member of the University of Oregon 2016 recruiting class. To provide a sense of how long ago that was, a key Ohio State recruit that year was Nick Bosa–who’s been a big star in the NFL for years now. McCormick redshirted his first year and then played as a redshirt freshman. Thereafter, his playing time was affected by a series of injuries that caused him to miss a few entire seasons, and he was granted an extra year of eligibility due to COVID. Then, after seven years at Oregon, he transferred to the University of Miami, where he has been for two years. McCormick is now 25 years old and still harbors dreams of playing in the NFL.

When I was in college, we sometimes referred to classmates who weren’t exactly taking crippling course loads as being on the “five-year plan.” What would it be like to be on a “nine-year plan,” and spend almost a full decade in college? At least McCormick has used his time productively: he’s got a bachelor’s degree in Journalism and Communication and a master’s in Advertising and Brand Responsibility from the University of Oregon, he’s completed a number of internships, and he’s currently enrolled in the University of Miami’s post-baccalaureate program.

It’s hard to imagine nine years in college, following a football dream, but you have to give McCormick props for dedication and determination. Whether he makes it to the NFL or not, he’s given his dream his best shot–and nine years on campus.

Ending With A Thud

The Browns game yesterday was a tough one to watch. The defense had some big-play breakdowns in the first half, the makeshift offensive line allowed the Texans to pressure Joe Flacco, leading to two pick-sixes, and the game veered into embarrassing drubbing territory in the second half. Losing a much-anticipated playoff game 45-14 was a very sad way for an enjoyable season to end.

As Browns fans, we’re used to disappointment. This one stings a bit more, because of the hopeful development of the team and some of the improbable wins that occurred this season. At the same time, though, I can honestly say that I’m proud of the players, the coaches, and the organization for what the team accomplished in the face of devastating injuries and adversity. Browns fans no doubt will engage in second-guessing about things like whether the regulars should have played last week to keep their momentum going–second-guessing is what sports fans do–but the rational part of the brain has to recognize that the injuries on the offensive side of the ball and the turnover problems finally caught up with the team. 

In saying this, I don’t want to disrespect the Texans, who had a great game plan and played a terrific ballgame. They kicked our butts, fair and square, and it’s clear that the Texans have a great young quarterback in C.J. Stroud. But I hope Texans fans will allow us Browns fans to wonder what might have happened if Nick Chubb, and our starting offensive tackles, and a mobile, healthy Deshaun Watson were on the field yesterday.

And so the season ends, with a thud rather than a bang. For Browns fans, hope must ever spring eternal.

The Jinx Factor On Judgment Day

There I was, standing nervously in front of the podium of St. Peter next to the Pearly Gates. He looked down at me with a knowing expression, twirled his key on his index finger, and then spoke in a solemn voice.

“Before we can consider whether you might gain entrance, we have a few things to discuss. There is a lot to talk about, but we’ll start with sports,” St. Peter said.

“Sports?” I asked. Surprised but thinking quickly, I added: ”I’m sorry for all of the cursing and anger issues when I played golf.”

St. Peter chuckled with a sound like rolling thunder. ”Hah! Don’t worry about that–it’s why we enticed the Scots to invent the infernal game in the first place. Golf was designed to get under people’s skin and provoke them to outbursts of temper and profanity. We figured people generally, and the Scots specifically, needed to get that out of their systems, and golf is a pretty harmless way to do it.”

“Well, that’s good to know,” I said with relief. ”But if it’s not golf, what sports issue do I need to address with you?”

“Specifically, it’s about your commitment to the sports teams for which you claimed to be a fan.” After a glance at a great, leather-bound volume, St. Peter added: ”Your record indicates you were not sufficiently attentive to avoiding jinxes that affected your teams.”

“Wait . . . what?” I stammered. ”Are you saying that jinxes are real, and that my clothing choice, the seat I was sitting in, my decisions on whether to record games, and whether I was wearing a lucky hat and consumed the right number of beers actually influenced the outcome of games? I thought that was all just silly superstition that humanity outgrew in the age of science.”

St. Peter shook his head sadly. ”Actually, the reverse is true. You know from your exposure to quantum physics and the thought experiment with Schrodinger’s cat that an event can exist in a state of superposition, where any outcome is possible, until the event is observed. You’ve heard of the observer effect and the concept of the butterfly effect, where the flapping of a butterfly’s wings can contribute to the generation of a hurricane. In short, the science of your time is just beginning to glimpse the great truth: we are all in this together, and the actions and thoughts of one person can alter the zeitgeist and the karmic forces that affect everyone and can have a definite effect on the results of athletic contests.” 

“Okay, I think I can grasp that,” I said, “but sports? Isn’t being a sports fan kind of . . . trivial in the grand scheme of things?”

St. Peter tapped his key on the lectern, shifted in his seat, and looked down at me with another rueful shake of his head. ”That view is also wrong,” he said. ”In fact, sports are extremely important to the human story. As one of our residents here used to say, they allow people to vicariously experience ‘the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.’ And they also reinforce some important points that humans need to be reminded of–that the world isn’t necessarily fair, but the important thing is to remain dedicated, keep the faith, and do what you can to try to ensure a better outcome the next time. Sports fans can do that by continuing to support their chosen teams, even through the rough times–and also make sure that they take personal actions that will help to positively influence the outcome.”

St. Peter looked down at his great book again, and added: ”You’ve had some failures and some successes on that score that we need to discuss. Those two Ohio State national championship games you attended–your behavior in those instances was flawless. You did everything you needed to do, from wearing the right clothes, carrying a lucky buckeye, and imparting respectful and positive energy in favor of the Men of the Scarlet and Gray, and the outcomes reflected that.”

I grinned at those positive memories, with a welling sense of pride at my individual contribution to two great days for Buckeye Nation.

“And then there’s the Cleveland Browns, and The Drive and The Fumble,” St. Peter continued, turning to more painful topics. You already know what you did to cause The Drive, when you let one of your friends leave his seat in Cleveland Municipal Stadium when the contest was in the balance. You can’t imagine how upsetting that was to the energy forces that day. And The Fumble happened because you neglected to wear the right sweatshirt, and in watching the game you showed an unseemly overconfidence that the Browns would win that also roiled the kismet in an unfavorable way.” 

I grimaced at these devastating memories, ashamed that my conduct harmed my team.

“So your record shows some good and some bad,” St. Peter noted, as he turned a page. ”Now, let’s talk about what you did on January 13, 2024, the day of the playoff game between the Cleveland Browns and the Houston Texans.”

And then I woke up.