The Tribe Hangs In There

I’m trying not to get my hopes up about the Tribe, but they’re making that difficult.

The Tribe played well at the beginning of the year, then hit the skids big time.  They lost a bunch of games and plummeted in the standings, and I thought the season was probably over.  But somehow, some way, they pulled it together and scraped out some stunning, last-minute wins.  Today Justin Masterson pitched a beautiful game, shutting out the White Sox 4-0.  With the win the Indians completed a four-game sweep of the Sox, in Chicago, and moved into a tie with Detroit for first place.

I don’t know how the Tribe is doing it — I really don’t.  They don’t have a star-studded lineup filled with potent hitters, and lately their bullpen has really struggled.  They’ve gotten pounded by the stud teams in the American League.  But these guys find a way to beat the bad teams, and so far that’s been good enough.  The fact that Detroit has fallen on hard times hasn’t hurt, either.

I’m still not expecting a lot from the Tribe this year — I’m really not.  But now we’re moving into July, the Indians have shown some admirable fortitude, and baseball remains worth watching for Cleveland fans.  Not bad!

Fun With Dog Butt

Presumed Familiarity, Feigned Interest

One other point about the wedding we attended on Friday:  weddings are an interesting opportunity to observe basic human social interactions.

Consider wedding reception tables, for example.  If you’re a member of the family you might be seated with other family members, or if you’re an old college chum you might be noshing with dormitory buddies.  If you’re just a random friend, however, you’re likely to be assigned to a table where most of the seats are filled by complete strangers.  That’s what we got on Friday.

It’s interesting how quickly you reach conclusions about people under those circumstances.  The woman seated to my right — whom I’d never met before — swept in, introduced herself as an old friend of the family, and then promptly launched into a long, inane story about her son, whom none of us knew, and his living arrangements in New York City which included some kind of terrible bathroom.  The story was apparently pointless, aside from the fact that it gave this woman something to talk about.  After five minutes or so, when she paused for a breath and then started to move into a story about her son’s roommate from Texas — an unknown person even farther removed from our realities — someone stepped in to end the woman’s tedious monopolization of conversation at the table.

As the interminable apartment bathroom story was underway, the other people at the table feigned polite interest in the meandering tale but exchanged some meaningful glances.  I’d guess that most of us immediately concluded that the woman was hopelessly self-absorbed and unwilling to engage in the normal social niceties — which require that you at least ask strangers some questions about their lives before you bore the pants off of them with a tale as long as Beowulf.

After that gruesome introduction, I shifted my attention to the left and tried to avoid any head turns to the right, lest the woman pull out her cell phone and begin to inflict a show of photos of her family, friends, and pets and tedious anecdotes about the latest family vacation.

The Bell Event Centre

The wedding that Kish and I attended last night was held in the Bell Event Centre in Cincinnati.  It is a stunningly beautiful facility, with an interesting history.  The ceremony was held in the former St. Paul’s Church, which is home to extraordinary stained glass windows, fabulous frescoes, a vaulted ceiling, and stunning tile work — some of which I tried to capture with my camera.  After the ceremony, the guests moved outside briefly for refreshments and hors d’oeuvres, and then returned to find that the church had been converted into a reception hall complete with a wooden dance floor.

What a neat facility!  It’s a shame that the lovely cathedral no longer functions as a church (it was decommissioned during the 1970s) but I am glad it is still being used and is available for the public to enjoy.

From The Same Species As Einstein

Last night, as Kish and I were on our way down to Cincinnati, we saw this shining example of human intellectual capacity on I-270.  The fellow in the back not only was standing in the bed of the pick-up truck traveling about 65 m.p.h. on a busy highway, he was using one hand to hold the brim of his ball cap so that it wouldn’t fly off.

Do you think he’s registered to vote?

In Defense Of Marriage — For Everyone

Last night Kish and I attended the wedding of a friend’s daughter.  It was a lovely ceremony.  We heard, once again, the familiar words of St. Paul’s epistle about love and the importance of selfless commitment in loving human relationships.

Those of us in the audience who are happily married reflected, once again, on how fortunate we are to have found someone with whom we can share our lives.  Marriage allows us to make the ultimate pledge to our loved one and to go forward as partners.  There is no doubt that successful marriages enrich the lives of both spouses.  They say that two heads are better than one, and it’s true . . . but then, for the most part, two people are better than one.  It’s wonderful to have that special lover, partner, and friend that you can confide in and consult with, who will gently coach you on how to smooth your rough edges, who will work and sacrifice to make your collective lives better, and who will always have your back.  You can’t help but feel a certain blessed, happy pride that you are part of such a relationship.

When you get married, you don’t necessarily think about the legal aspects of the decision, but they nevertheless are part of the bedrock on which marriages are built.  Marriage is a legal commitment that, once undertaken, can only be undone by another legal action.  The legal aspect gives marriage a formality that distinguishes it from more casual relationships.  And the other legal benefits and rights that go with marriage — be they tax breaks, insurance advantages, pension preferences, or one of the many other consequences built into federal and state law, 401(k) plans, and the other welter of documents and provisions that govern modern life — make working together as a team much, much easier.

I’m a big fan of marriage, and I think it should be encouraged whenever couples have decided, after mature reflection, that they have found that special person.  That’s why I support same-sex marriage.  Marriage has made my life immeasurably better.  Why shouldn’t every couple, regardless of their sexual orientation, have the same opportunity for lifelong happiness?

Comfest, Before The Storm

It’s Comfest weekend in Columbus, and the Unkempt Guy, JV and I decided to wander down to Goodale Park to check out the festivities over the lunch hour today.  We chowed down on some brats, listened to music at several of the venues, strolled past the Peace Tent, and then hightailed it back to the office as a storm rolled in.  Alas, we didn’t quite make it, and despite our pathetic trotting attempt in the final stretch, a cloudburst soaked us to the skin.

It’s sunny once more in Columbus, though, and Comfest is a very fun, interesting event that makes Columbus a better place to live.  If you’re in town this weekend, check it out — and don’t let that Temperance statue dissuade you from grabbing a few beer tokens to add to your festive mood.

Olive Garden Blues

Imagine you own one of those restaurant chains, the kind you see clustered around suburban intersections.  Some of the restaurants promote particular types of cuisines, like steaks or Mexican dishes or seafood.  Others offer a more generic menu, and their hook is that you’ll have a fun time with fun people as you eat their cheeseburgers and fries.  All of them, however, are competing for the business of middle class Americans — and the competition is fierce.

Olive Garden is one of the restaurants that is locked in that competition.  It features Italian food in buildings that are supposed to look Italian, and its advertising shows happy, bright-eyed people eating different pasta dishes and soup and warm bread.  But the ads aren’t working, apparently, and its CEO has decided it needs to do whatever it can to get more people into the restaurants.  So, he’s decided to go with more low-cost meals to try to increase market share — a move that some analysts and observers have criticized.

I’ve never been to an Olive Garden restaurant, but when I read the story linked above I decided to take a peek at the comments.  As I post this, there are 457 of them . . . and the lion’s share talk about the quality of Olive Garden’s food and service, not its prices.  It’s fair to say that most of the comments aren’t very flattering about Olive Garden with respect to either category.  In fact, they’re devastating, and could easily discourage other readers from every trying an Olive Garden in the first place.

What’s the lesson here?  I think it’s a simple one that apparently has been lost in all of the CEO-type moves and advertising-driven management of chain restaurants:  people go out to eat looking for good food, whether it costs $8.99 or $10.99 or $12.99.  If your restaurant business is failing, you should look first to the quality, freshness, and taste of the dishes you’re offering to the public.  If customers think the food is wretched, you’ll lose their business.

When did restaurants stop understanding that their business is, first and foremost, about the food?

Drive-Thru Death

Businesses are always pushing the envelope with drive-thru options. Some work, some don’t, but no company thinks it will go broke by assuming that many Americans would rather do just about everything while their plump behinds are resting comfortably on the pillow-like seats of their vehicles.

But . . . a drive-thru option that allows you to take a gander at the dearly departed from behind the wheel of your car?  That’s what one Virginia funeral home is offering.  Just go to the drive-thru lane, take a good look through the plate-glass window at the deceased, check the sign saying when the burial will occur, and head on home.

Well, sure.  Why not?  It’s a pain to get out of your car and wait in line during calling hours.  Those lines seem to take forever, don’t they?  And then, when you reach the casket and the distraught family members, it can be such a downer trying to say a few comforting words and express how much the person who has passed meant to you.  And standing next to a corpse in a casket can be so creepy!  If you see it through the window, you avoid those awkward moments with the bereaved and can see the body from a comfortable physical and emotional distance — like it was on TV.

And speaking of TV, why not just set up a “casket cam” that sending streaming video of the decedent to anyone who logs in on the internet, and makes death even more convenient for us all?  It seems like the logical next step.

No DOMA Nation

Yesterday the Supreme Court struck down a key provision of the Defense of Marriage Act, a 1996 federal law that denied rights and benefits to same-sex couples, and rainbow flags flew from sea to shining sea.

The Court’s decision was one of two rulings yesterday that addressed gay marriage.  In the DOMA decision, a 5-4 majority of the Court concluded that the statutory provision violated the right to liberty and to equal protection for legally married gay couples.  The ruling means that the thousands of gay couples who are legally married under the laws of certain states will be able to take advantage of federal tax and pension rights and other benefits that are available to other married couples.  In the other ruling, the Supreme Court held that proponents of California Proposition 8, which prohibits gay marriage, lack standing to defend the law.  That ruling leaves a lower court ruling that struck down Proposition 8 intact and therefore allows California to resume with state-sanctioned same sex marriages.

The Supreme Court decisions are not the last word on the subject, because gay marriage is not legal in a majority of the states and the DOMA decision did not address a provision of that statute that provides that states are not required to recognize gay marriages performed in other states where gay marriage is legal.  Opponents of same-sex marriage say they will continue to advocate on the issue.

I’m in favor of same-sex marriage, and I’m thrilled for my gay friends whose legal marriages are now given all the rights and benefits available under federal law.  I’m also hoping that the Supreme Court’s decision helps the United States to put this issue behind us — as opposed to becoming the lightning rod on a bitterly contentious social issue, as happened with the abortion rights decision in Roe v. Wade.  It’s time for this country to stop focusing on issues that divide us, and to start focusing on how we can work together to solve our problems.

Rabbit Fever

For Kasey, this furry suburban creature that looks like it could be posing for a chocolate Easter bunny mold is a mortal enemy.

Our little corner of New Albany has lots of bunnies hopping about.  To my knowledge, they have done nothing to offend Kasey.  They haven’t eaten her food or guzzled her water.  They haven’t danced a mocking jig outside the window.  Nevertheless, Kasey hates them all.  She hates their fluffy white cottontails.  She hates their ravenous rabbit appetites.  She hates that the hares sit there, noses twitching, staring at her as we walk past.

But most of all, Kasey hates that she is on a leash and can’t go tearing after these furballs that hunch in the grass, taunting her with their closeness and their rank rabbit odor.  So all Kasey can do is pose.  She strains until the leash is stretched taut and puffs out her chest likes she is posing for the statue found at the prow of a ship.  She glares her most withering glare.  She displays every alpha animal signal ever seen on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.  And deep down, Kasey is thinking:  “I could take that.”  She believes that if she were just let loose she would be able to chase down that wild hare, no matter how quick and nimble it might be, and do unspeakable things that eons of species development have left her desperately wanting to do.

But the rabbits are unconcerned.  They pay no mind to Kasey’s macho posturing.  They just sit there, munching and watching, perhaps taking a desultory hop to one side or the other.  And then, when they have made a maximum show of languid boredom, they hop casually away.

It drives Kasey nuts.

About That “Sexual Satisfaction” Survey

In Columbus, we periodically hear about studies that rate our fair city as number 7 in this category or number 14 in that one.  Now Time magazine tells us that Columbus ranks number 2 in a “sexual satisfaction” survey by Men’s Health magazine.  (Indianapolis ranks number 1, Fort Wayne, Indiana is number 3, and Cincinnati is number 4, so the Midwest is well represented on the list.)

How do you determine “sexual satisfaction” on a city-wide basis when many, if not most, people consider their intimate relationships to be their own, deeply private business — particularly in a reserved Midwestern burg like Columbus?  Men’s Health looked at condom sales, birth rates, and the sale of sex toys and other erotic paraphernalia from two retailers I’ve never heard of (Babeland and Pure Romance).  I’m skeptical that looking at just these factors gives the Men’s Health survey the same scientific weight as, say, the Kinsey reports.  The factors may have some relation to sex, but they don’t necessarily seem to correlate with “satisfaction.”  Higher condom sales may just indicate that people are being more responsible in practicing safe sex, not that they are having more (or more rewarding) sex.  And the sale of sex toys could mean just about anything, including that the maid of honor thought a few racy gifts given to the reserved bride might spice up the bachelorette party.

I don’t know if Columbus is more “sexually satisfied” than Lexington, Kentucky, which Men’s Health placed at number 100, and I’m not going to try to find out.  We don’t talk about such things in polite company, thank you very much.

Fun With Dog Butt

Recognizing And Celebrating A Good Deed

We hear so much about people behaving like jackasses.  How about a little story that shows that human beings — even important, powerful, wealthy ones — can still show decency, and kindness?

The setting was Washington, D.C.  A harried Mom was having a nightmarish travel day and thought that she had missed the last flight to Atlanta, where she was to pick up her daughter from summer camp.  She was the next name on the standby list and the jetway doors were ready to close when she miraculously got a seat.  The Good Samaritan was Richard Anderson, the CEO of Delta.  He gave up his cabin seat and sat in a jump seat in the cockpit so the Mom could make it home.  The grateful Mom, Jessie Frank, wrote about the story on her Facebook page; Delta confirmed it but hasn’t tried to capitalize on the good publicity.

Sure, I know — the cynics may wonder why the Delta flight was overbooked in the first place, and will point out that the CEO, unlike other passengers, had the means to use a cockpit seat that otherwise would be unavailable.  So what?  The fact is the man could have played the accustomed CEO/hyper-important person/Master of the Universe role, ignored the woman’s predicament, and kept his seat.  The world would have been none the wiser.  The fact that he did what he did says something good about him as a person, and the fact that Delta hasn’t tried to publicize the story says something good about Delta as a company.

If we want to encourage decent behavior we should recognize it.  So here’s to Mr. Richard Anderson and the folks at Delta who helped out a Mom in need.  A small gesture, perhaps, but one that brought a smile to my face.

A Widening Scandal, And Some Valuable Lessons

The IRS scandal may have been knocked off the front page by Edward Snowden’s fugitive travels and the George Zimmerman-Trayvon Martin trial, but it’s still out there, and there have been some interesting recent developments.

The House Ways and Means Committee investigation of the IRS targeting of certain groups seeking tax-exempt status has borne fruit.  The AP is reporting that, according to documents obtained by the Committee, the IRS targeting lasted longer than was originally reported and was broader in scope, with the IRS looking not just at “tea party” and “patriot”-named groups, but also at groups that used terms like “progressive,” “medical marijuana,” and “Israel.”  The documents indicate that the prior report of the Treasury Department inspector general may have barely scratched the surface of what IRS functionaries were doing.

The new acting commissioner of the IRS, Danny Werfel, has concluded that the IRS used “inappropriate criteria” on certain screening lists and states that he ended the process earlier this month.  He said he found no evidence of “intentional wrongdoing” by IRS employees, but rather “insufficient action” by managers to prevent and disclose the problems.  Werfel says the IRS is committed to correcting its mistakes and holding individuals accountable as appropriate, and the AP report states that the top five people in the IRS responsible for the tax-exempt status of organizations have been removed from their jobs.

It’s all predictable, and the scenario is a familiar one.  Improper action by an agency comes to light, and the first response is to argue that the practices have ended and there is nothing left to examine.  Sometimes that approach works, but when it doesn’t, and congressional committees begin digging, different stories often emerge, and new questions get asked.  How did the IRS screening lists get created?  Who vetted the terms included on the list?  What process was followed when an organization whose name included such terms was identified?

The IRS scandal shows the value of congressional committees that actually conduct investigations, use their subpoena power, and take meaningful testimony.  It also shows that we shouldn’t necessarily trust the reassuring initial statements of agency heads or accept inspector general reports as the last word.  The congressional committees should continue their investigations, but then they need to take the next step — determining whether the tax-exempt status laws should be changed, and if so, how.  That will require Congress to wrestle with some uncomfortable questions:  Why do we grant tax-exempt status to these organizations — regardless of their political affiliations or apparent interests — in the first place, and should that practice continue?  If so, how do we rein in the exercise of discretion by the IRS, so that bureaucrats can’t simply decide to target one group over another on the basis of whim and caprice?

There’s still a long way to go on this one.